Back in the 80s and 90s, I would drive to the other side
of the island (Oahu), just to get out of the city, away from the crowds and
traffic. Out in Haleiwa, there were
these guys who lived right there across from the beach – near that old iron
bridge. They would build surfboards, and
give surfing lessons. They were all
older than me, maybe 10 years or so.
These guys lived, for the most part, free from society, free from
traffic, crowds, and the demands of society.
They looked healthy, and they looked happy, laughing, smiling, and
treating their visitors with laughter and kindness that I don’t see much, if at
all these days. I sometimes thought that
maybe I would like to live that way – never pursued it, being that I was busy
raising the boy, which was fine, but then getting the gigs, make that paycheck,
and all that other societal horseshit that poisons people’s minds – it was
expected of me, so I did it.
I’ve struggled for 30+ years trying to “make it” in this
horribly corrupt music business, doing what I thought was right – paying my
dues, taking risks, getting as good as I could at what I did – learning how to
play ten instruments, to play them well, learned to sing songs that I loved,
and that I knew most people related to.
I recorded CDs – nine of them, to be exact. I have two of them at this moment, being
played on Pandora Radio, with no way to know what, if anything, will happen
with that. I play one night a week at
the Wildflower Village – no pay, just practice for me – trying to get my ducks
in a row, get my fingers to do what I tell them – after being out work for the
most part of the past three years. I
just had an audition, and if the entertainment director wasn’t BS’ing me, I
should be working there before too long.
There’s a lot of rust to shed, so I do as much as I can to do just that –
within the limits of my current life situation.
This brings me to my next point.
I’ve spent the most part of the past three years sitting
in a recliner, in front of the television – not because I enjoy doing that, but
because that’s pretty much what my current situation allows. I don’t have a lot of sayso on what I do, if
you get my drift. I get food, and a
place to sleep, but I have things I want to do, and this situation does not
allow me to even think of moving towards any of it. That’s not to mention, I don’t deal so well
with being treated with such disregard and disrespect. If I thought I could heal any of this, I
would, but if ya can’t talk to a person, ya can’t talk to the person – if they
don’t listen, they turn everything around, you got nothing to say. Money has been the stifling stick between me
and the life I would have liked to have.
Well, it becomes more and more apparent that I will not get my shot at
the next level of this disgusting music business – maybe I’m too old to be in
front of an audience, maybe I’ve been stifled by the Powers That Be – for whatever
reasons, maybe my music isn’t good enough to be on the national airwaves – I may
never know either way. That being said,
maybe it’s time for me to pursue a different lifestyle – one where I can be
free from most of society’s bullshit. I
know, nobody can escape it completely, but I can certainly do better than I’m
doing now. It’s come to the front of my
mind that I’ll be damned if I’ll spend the rest of my life rotting in that
recliner – in front of the goddam television.
Maybe it’s time I investigate, or maybe just go for it – seeing what it’s
like to live on or near the beach – somewhere maybe in San Diego or Los
Angeles. I hear the Santa Monica Pier is
a cool place, that’s not to mention there are tons of nice beaches on Highway 1
between L.A. and San Diego – I’ve seen them with my own eyes. There are also some nice beaches in San Diego, any of these places where
I could sit on the beach, or on the boardwalk for a couple hours a day, playing
my guitar, my uke, my banjo, have the case sitting out in front, maybe earn enough
tips so I can eat, and maybe even rent some small shack or studio apartment in
the area. Maybe I could also sell CDs. If I were to live outside under the stars
(which I’ve done a couple of times in my life), the biggest challenge would be
where to store my instruments – I have about ten of them, plus my clothes and my
PA. The couple of boxes of personal
stuff, I would probably throw out. I
would certainly be healthier, and likely a whole lot happier. My current situation, I’m sure is deteriorating
my health and my mind. Being controlled
and dictated to has never been something I’ve been all that good at
accepting. Before now, I always had my
own income, my own life, so when I found myself in a situation I didn’t want to
be in, I would just get the hell out.
Well, no money means no getting the hell out – thanks, Powers That Be,
for destroying so many people’s lives, dreams, families, and whatever
else. Anyway, should I be able to pull
this off, I would probably get rid of my phone, and only keep my computer so I
could record CDs to sell – or maybe not, maybe I would just go natural, sleep
on the beach, play for the folks during the day, eat good food, and do that
until I drop dead, or until I decide to check out on my own terms. That would be a hell of a lot better life
than sitting in front of that stinking idiot box – that’s death for any decent,
self respecting person. I really don’t
have a whole lot of other choices, and this sounds like something that would be
challenging at first, until I got the hang of it. I remember both times when I was homeless,
the first couple of weeks were strange and difficult, but I got used to it, I
found places to be, and I found myself less stressed – as ironic as that may
sound. So, whatever I decide, I need to
do it within the next few months, because as I already said a couple of times,
I’ll be damned if I’ll let myself rot here.
There is one place I could go for now, should this living arrangement
get past the point of bearable, and it’s possible I may end up there before too
long, if things here continue the way they’re going. I do have to ask once again, what the hell
good is having money if you can’t do something constructive or worthwhile with
it? That’s a rhetorical. People always think they’re going to be the
one to finally figure out how to take it with ‘em.
I guess for the time being, I live the best I can, I bull
my way through the stress, the migraines – and how’s THAT for a guy who never
had a headache in his life before the last 3 years? I’ll live by society’s rules for a little
while longer – only because I have no other alternative at this particular
time. So, maybe I’ll see some of ya on
the beach before too long, till then, you might want to take a look at your own
life, think about how you’re going to feel about it when you’re near your last
breath. I already know what I don’t want
to do.
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