Friday, August 29, 2014

Control, Abuse, And Other Such Cowardly Behavior...

Boy meets girl, girl meets boy – it works either way.  The abuser always seems to have a sixth sense on who they will be able to control, who will be vulnerable, who will likely have the hardest time getting out from under the thumb of such narcissistic, sadistic lowlifes.  In most cases, the coward is able to hide his or her chicken shit ways, but slowly and incrementally, the control surfaces – first manipulating the person into not communicating with family, friends, or anybody else.  It may start off slow, but it will escalate.  It may be mild at first, with the abuser cleverly convincing the victim that it is in his or her best interest that they cut off communication.  When that doesn’t work, they usually move into forceful, bullying tactics – as in, “I don’t like you talking to him/her, he/she is always putting ideas into your head”.  In the case of the abusive male, he will at some point start dictating that the girl don’t look too “provocative” out in public, because it enrages him when another male “checks out” his girl.  In the case of the controlling female, she will use social media to broadcast to the world that she is with the guy – guilting and/or demanding that he do the same.  When his phone rings or makes the notification sound, her head will jerk around, demanding to know who he’s talking to, listening in on his conversations, and/or needing to know what was the phone doing, or, with the more subtle girl, “Was that your phone dingin’?”.  She’ll want to put both phones on her account, so she can monitor his calls, texts, and whatever else.  She will likely spy on him in whatever way possible.  When they are out in public, should a nice looking girl enter her line of sight – again, her head will jerk around to see if her guy is looking in the direction of the pretty girl.  With such people, it matters not a goddam wit that the significant other had never shown any signs of being a cheater.  Over time, usually after the first six months to a year, the hostility escalates, and soon there isn’t a single hour that goes by that the abuser doesn’t snipe at his or her possession.  That’s right, the abusive person does not see his or her significant other as a person, they see them as something that belongs to them, they are to do what they’re told, and they are not to have any opinion, idea, or belief that differs from that of the warden.  The warden controls the money, he or she makes it clear that the inferior being is not to be trusted, making anywhere from subtle to violent but horribly false accusations.  The narcissistic being will never admit to any wrongdoing, any faults, any mistakes, any mistreatment of his victim; it will be deny, deny, deny, smartass remarks, and bully, bully, bully.  When the lower on the totem pole dares to stand up for him or herself, rage ensues, threats get thrown around, and more punishment is surely right around every corner.

These days, with the economy the way it is, with so many people in financial straits, it has become much easier for such abusive, controlling pieces of sub human trash to play their control and bullying game.  I’ve also noticed for the most part, nobody will lift a finger to help a person in such a position.  That being said, you gotta be real careful that with some who do appear to want to help, they really don’t want to help, they merely want something for themselves, and many times the person who has just gotten out of one abusive situation will find him or herself in one as bad or worse than the one he just got out of.

Many of these relationships end up with very bad endings.  In situations where there are children involved, the abuser will use them as a weapon of mass destruction.  In other situations, the vindictiveness will come in other shapes and forms – sometimes in stalking, sometimes in a barrage of vindictive firebombing designed to destroy the person who managed to escape.  There will always be the times – when the victim manages to escape, that the abuser will know all the right things to say – making all kinds of false promises, even thanking the victim for bringing certain things to his or her attention, that he or she will surely change if given just one more chance.  Let me tell, you, I’ve seen how disgustingly dishonest these people can be – they have no intention of changing anything – other than to make things even more miserable for their object of rage – out of their sadistic, vengeful ways.  I’d be willing to bet that there are tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of people, maybe more, in this country who are in such situations.  Some will end up with the victim eventually escaping without too much harm, others end up in a life or lives, being destroyed, others will end up with one or more people dead.  As for the one person who I’m close to, who motivated me to write this, I know he’s tired, beat down, depressed, and doesn’t see much hope in escaping without at least one life being taken – very likely his own.  He doesn’t seem to be sad about it, just matter of fact.  The worst part is, though, that there are so many kind, innocent folks out there who are sad about it, who do want to live, wanting to live a life of their own choosing, without being dictated to, without being threatened, bullied, pushed around, and otherwise treated with such gross disrespect and sadism.  I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

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