Dear Universe...

It's likely I will not be here for much longer, and I'm totally ok with that.

I've spent my whole life enjoying good health.  Part of it may be genetics, but I'm pretty sure it's at least as much because I've taken good care of myself.  I eat as well as possible while still living in the real world.  Not much of a fast food guy, always been active - well, up until the past seven years or so.  That part - mostly not my doing.  There are people out there who have this way of manipulating other people into doing what they (the manipulators) want, controlling every aspect of the person's life.  I'll get into that in a minute.  While being in the music business, where most people at all levels indulge in drugs, alcohol, and other abuses, me, never done any of it, never a drug in my life, never been a drinker.  On the moral side of things, I've always been honest and straight up, I don't believe in BS'ing anybody, bullying, cheating, or manipulating of any kind.  I've never tried to take any person down - I don't part take in jealousy, envy, or anything of the kind, in fact, back in the 80s, when I was in the position to do so, I helped a few musicians get in contact with bands, which ended up in a few good combinations, and some lifetime friendships, and I'm happy to have been part of it.

Anyway, back to the health aspect of my rant.  I'm 63, up until three or four years ago, I never had a headache in my life, I always felt energetic.  Over the past seven years or so, I've spent more time sitting around than all the rest of the years of my life combined.  I hate it, but in my current situation, there's just not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it.  I'll spare you the gory details, but let me tell you, sitting around is one of my least favorite things to do.  I will say that the stress level in my life has been significantly more than most people's.  I've felt singled out, I've been (literally) gaslighted, I've been harassed, bullied ever since I was eight years old (mostly by full grown adults), and probably even before that.  In my music career, I did everything right, I was responsible, I took risks, I worked my ass off, I was always honest, and I'm pretty sure I had the stuff it took to at get a shot at the next level.  The fact that I'd been intentionally locked out, by a bunch of ego driven and vindictive people in positions of power in the music business, has taken its toll - on my spirit, my mental and emotional state, and my body.  I'll also acknowledge that I'm one of those people who sees all the unfairness, injustice, and cruelty in the world - and let me tell you, it causes me so much grief.  So, at 63, I'm starting to feel my body in the beginning stages of failure.  My blood pressure is through the roof, and I'm pretty sure that's also beginning to take its toll.  I get headaches regularly.  My eyes have been affected - in the way of large "floaters", streaks of light, and blurry spots that run across my vision like windshield wipers.  My stomach is also starting to feel the effects.  I'm gassy, my food feels like it's sitting in there for hours and hours.  These things are likely signs that the pancreas is failing.  I wouldn't be surprised if I have either pre diabetes, or full blown diabetes.  On that, there is not a legitimate reason in the world that somebody like me, with my eating habits, should be having such health conditions.  Yes, sitting around way too much the past few years, but even with that...      I've talked about this stuff before - what Big Pharma is doing, what the food producers are doing - dumping all that sugar, salt, chemicals, and other crap, into our food.  Then there's the genetically modified food - food that I'm pretty sure our bodies are having a hard time recognizing.  There's flouride, a known neurotoxin, in our water.  There's chemtrails - all that aluminum oxide, barium, strontium, and other neurotoxins, being spraying into the atmosphere, which, besides the obvious, is also making its way into the soil, and in turn into crops, which in turn are eating by animals - that we eat, and by us humans.  The stuff is also getting into our water supply, and into the ocean.  The threshold - where our bodies can no longer keep up with all the toxic crap that we ingest - has been crossed.  This is why most people, by the time they are 30 years old, are with multiple health conditions, diseases, even mental conditions and diseases.  They are being fed "medications" by the truckload - first when they wake up in the morning, then before they get to bed at night.  When I was a kid - back in the 60s, there were doctor's offices scattered sparsely throughout a city or town, and if you came down with something you didn't know how to deal with, you could make a phone call, and get in to see the doctor that same day - usually within a couple of hours.  Today, with the massive medical centers, clinics, and other medical related space, it takes anywhere from a month, to two months, and even longer in many cases.  This cannot be the natural order of things.

All this being said, I can see that it's causing my own body to fail.  I will always eat well, and always try to take as good of care of me as humanly possible, but realizing that there is nothing realistic to be done about all the poison - in food, water, air, and land, I won't try to fight that, other than to speak out about it on Social Media.  With my blood pressure being what it is, and knowing that it could kill me at any moment, if it does, I won't be sad about it, in fact, I often wish it to do just that.  I've lived my life, and I sure as hell will not miss this place when it's my time to head out.  I've never felt welcome in this life - with any family member, with any "friend", or any romantic partner.  I'm not sad about that, either, I realize that people are what they are - with me always having felt that I ended up here by some cosmic accident. I never asked to come here, but I've done the best I could to survive, to do good, and to not hurt other people - ever how much they may have deserved it.  As for romantic relationships, significant others, all the girls/women I attract have been angry, disrespectful, jealous, controlling, and vindictive.  Yes, I've bailed out of all of them - except for the one I'm in now - hard as I've tried to get out, I've always been forced to end up back here.  This is a whole 'nother subject that I've spoken about on social media - the fact that the oppression and financial manipulation causes problems other than the obvious.  Way too many people who are in abusive relationships and situations have no escape, trapped with a person who is abusive and controlling, and nothing to be done about it.  So, I applied for health care, which will take effect Jan. 1, 2018 - three months after I noticed the symptoms - the eyes, the stomach, etc.  I will ask for some kind of input on diet, and the possibility of natural remedies (which I know medical professionals HATE).  I will not cave in to Big Pharma and their bullshit, again, I will gladly drop dead before I let them have their way with me.  I fully expect a barrage of cheap insults from the doctor, but well, still not going to allow them to feed me their ridiculous drugs.

I will try to make this post conspicuous, should I be able to do that when I think my life is close to its end.  Don't know how I'm going to do it just yet, but hopefully I'll figure it out.  For me, life is important, it's important what a person does while he or she is here, but quality of life is more important.  Saying again, I will not allow myself to live in Big Pharma's prison.

One thing I will do as soon as I get done writing this, is, I will post a link on Twitter.  Funny stuff, though, I am fully aware that none of the people who see my tweets, my "Followers", or any person who sees my stuff through hashtags, none of these people actually view my videos, click and read links, in fact, most barely even get through the tweet itself.  It was the same when I was on Facebook - and some of those people were people who knew me - high school classmates, musicians that I'd met over time, and some who I'd met who were other than musical.  Totally ignored, which is why I finally got the hell out of Facebook

Ok, so if I end up in the ground soon, know that I welcome my time to get out of this horrible place, know that I'm not sad about the ending of my own life.  Know that I detest most humans, and that I wish them good riddance when I'm gone.  Oh, and not to worry, it's never been a thought in my mind that I would take any person with me - not my place to decide who lives, or who does whatever else - totally up to them' and I guess it's just not in my DNA to think about hurting other living beings.  I love animals, they have always been nice to me, treated me with respect, never tried to take me down, hurt me, or cause me grief, and they don't hurt the planet - for reasons of greed, or any other reason for that matter.  I feel the worst for Callie, my beautiful cat, who loves me, and who I love more than I ever loved any human.  She will miss me, no human will, and I'm ok with that, but Callie will miss me.

All for now.

The Anihilation Of The Human Race?

It's becoming common knowledge that the Powers That Be (Huge Corporation ownership and upper management, and government officials) are poisoning our food, water, air, and land.  They are destroying forests, polluting oceans - with radiation, plastics and other wastes.  They are polluting the land - also with toxic wastes, and with the chemicals that are inundating the soil via chemtrails (aluminum oxide, barium, strontium, and other toxic crap, and has been admitted by the Powers That Be, as in "We're doing it to slow global warming, so it's for your own good").  There is flouride (a known neurotoxin) in our water supply, they are screwing with nature down at the molecular and genetic level, they are putting massive amounts of chemicals in our food.  They are destroying our forests - by cutting them down, and by burning them down.  The bird population has been noticeable decimated over just the past two or three years - likely because all the toxins that are being put into the soil and water are killing worms, bugs, etc. so there is not enough for the birds to eat.  I've noticed that the evergreens are turning brown.  Most humans are sick in 2018, as opposed to in 1970, when very few people had organ dysfunction, high blood pressure, and countless other health conditions.  When I was a kid, there were no massive medical centers like there are now, there were doctor's offices scattered throughout a city or town, and you could, without fail, make a phone call, and get in that same day.  These huge medical centers of today, they are booked 2,3 4 months out, and are full, all day, every day.  Mental illness an conditions are in epidemic proportions.  Sea life is washing up on our shores - with "experts" denying that they know why.  And this is only stuff off the top of my head, I'm sure there is a hell of a lot more going on.

I believe there is an ultimate goal for all of this.  There are the sociopaths and psychopaths who own and are in upper management of large corporations, and in high government positions.  My theory is that these people think that they can play "god" - not talking about the big guy sitting up there in the sky on a golden throne, but whoever or whatever wrote the blueprint for this universe, this life.  At particular points in life's evolution, new life forms appear - first one celled ogranisms, then multi-celled organisms, then insects, fish, small animals, large animals, early human type beings, and now, full fledged human beings.  I believe that these crazy people - the ones way up at the top of the food chain - the ones who pretend not to exist, while they screw us all - are up to something.  To them, we are nothing more than cattle - expendable for their despicable mission.  That something is that if/when they annihilate the human race down to a certain level - maybe near extinction, that the next, more "advanced" life form will appear.  These people have been screwing with nature for decades - by way of genetic modification (of plants, animals, AND humans), by molecular modification (in plants, animals, AND possibly humans) in their delusional minds, would incite the next form of life to emerge.  It's not gonna happen, guys, because the timeline is written - down there at the sub atomic level - as to when the next life form's time to appear arrives.  They will not stop, they will continue to destroy life as we know it.  I do, though, believe that the planet will step in, as it has already begun to, and stop humans before they destroy the planet.  They may, though, succeed in annihilating most life forms that inhabit our planet at this point, but all that will happen is that the planet will be void of most life forms (plant AND animal, animate AND inanimate), making it more difficult for the next life for to sustain its life.  The ecosystems are what they are, many have already been destroyed, and as more of them disappear, so will more life forms - the proverbial Catch 22.

So, as we all continue to be slowly murdered, most people sit back and pretend it's not happening, OR, that it's all part of the natural order of things.  They hide behind clever but asinine cliches, they obsess about being liked, and about not being labelled as "Negative".  They want to be like grandma, who "Never said anything bad about anybody or anything in her life, and everybody LOVED her".

I'm pretty sure that inside of the next fifty years, something drastic will happen.  The beginnings are already here - the massive increase in hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, new, mutated diseases, and others.  I believe there is no stopping it.  "It is what it is", as they say.  Whoever wrote the song, "Bad Moon Rising", was no dummy, every word in there is coming true.

So, The Economy Is Doing Well, You Say?...

I continue to be amazed by how ignorant and blind so many people are.  TV says the economy is doing fine, to go spend your money, business as usual, and people so desperate to believe it, nod their heads and continue to pretend everything is peachy.  There's also that most are so goddam worried that somebody is not going to like them, or might call them "negative", so that adds to an already pathetic state of affairs.  Yeah, go ahead and be a chicken shit all your life, that way everybody will like you.

I've driven thousands of miles across this country over my lifetime - starting in 1973, and zig zagging to and from, till now.  I watched all those little towns shut down starting around 2009, when I first got back from Peru.  All these once thriving towns have since been boarded up; no businesses, no residents, nothing, gone.  On my way here just a couple weeks ago, it was more of the same, these little towns remain boarded up and deserted.  If the economy was doing well, wouldn't people be starting to move back out to these places?

Next, I just came from Carson City, where commercial real estate was largely empty - space after space being vacant the whole three years+ that I spent there.  The downtown area of Carson is a ghost town - no matter what time of day or night.  Before that it was Reno, which was once a thriving place - the past six years - another ghost town.

I spent four years up in South Lake Tahoe.  The first two years, the tourism seemed to be doing very well.  The second two years - noticeably less people visiting.  Being smack in the middle of the tourist area, I noticed the past two years, 95% of the people were the rich, snotty types - people who would go into a fine dining restaurant, order a $30, $40 lunch, and waste most of it - and the food at this particular restaurant was out of this world.  Such people with their attitude of, "I'm too good for this food, please take it away".  I digress, sorry.  My point is that the past two years, I saw very few people who were not of the Rich and the Ruthless.  I was used to that during the ski season - mostly spoiled rich kids, but the summers - from fun people who were your everyday people the first two years(2015, 2016), to the hopelessly snobbish who try desperately to establish their superiority, dragging the overall attitude down a bunch, the second two years (2017, 2018).  So, being that regular people haven't been up there the past couple of years, tells me that the media, the government, Corporate America, are lying to beat hell.  No, folks, the economy is not doing well.

I keep hearing our pos media saying, "We have created thousands and thousands of jobs...".  I say again, PLEASE, we do not need anybody to create jobs, we need laws to get huge corporations to get out of the way, quit monopolizing all the prime real estate, quit being able to pay off government regulatory agencies - not only to keep them off their backs, but to harass smaller business into oblivion.  Small businesses were the backbone of this once great country, but since huge franchised corporations have taken over, our economy continues its massive decline.  This decline in turn has destroyed families, friendships, and lives.  But who cares, all the ills of the world are caused by poor people, and the Rich and the Ruthless are the answer, right, Rush, right, Sean???  Idiots.

My prediction is that this bubble we're all in at the moment will burst within the next two years, and that's on top of some other major worldwide catastrophes that are now just looking for a time and place to happen.  Oh, and all caused directly by human greed.

So, goo back to sleep, you bunch of lazy, spineless dimwits, make sure everybody likes you, be like grandma, who never said a "bad" word about anybody or anything, see how that works out.

AMF.

My Last Musical Note - Professionally Anyway

That's right, I finally retired from the horrible music business that I devoted 38 years of my life to.  It's been a long time coming.  I haven't enjoyed playing for audiences since the late 80s.  I plugged along, though, having in mind that I was just paying my dues - being sure I was going to get my shot at the next level.  Well, it never happened.  I've watched the music business - from top to bottom - deteriorate right before my eyes.  In the old days, it was difficult, because most record executive types wouldn't know a good artist or band if it came up and kicked the in the teeth.  The fact is, bands and artists "made it" in spite of the record labels, not because of them.  I once had a guy - Jon DeMello - record executive in Hawaii, tell me, right there on a talk radio show, "What you musicians don't understand is, most of the artists we sign don't even recoup the money we spend on promotion".  Well, hell, anybody in any job with that kind of track record would not be in business for very long.  It's different in the music business, though.  At the very top of the food chain, where money and status buys high powered publicists, complete with psychologists who advise these record company numbskulls how to trick people, who to trick, how to manipulate young minds, and desperate minds, and it works well for them.  I'm sure it would work better if they would actually sign real artists, but from all I've seen, it will never happen.  The result is that we will never see any more artists with the talent of Elvis, Jerry Lee, Hank, Johnny Cash, The Who, Led Zeppelin, and many others.  These self serving, egotistical imbeciles have gone even further, making damn sure they lock any talented artist out to the best of their ability.  Every once in a while, one does slip through the cracks (see Lady Gaga), but for the most part, what we must endure on mainstream TV, radio, downloading, streaming, and in concert, are a bunch of no talent blockheads who are so full of themselves that they can't even see how ridiculous they look, and sound, or why they were signed in the first place.  The early 80s were about the end of the road for any talent to be put out for us to listen to.

Well, I'm on to my new adventure.  I guess I better not say what it is, because with all the gaslighting I've lived through in my life, I figure whoever was screwing with me before will surely do their damnedest to stifle anything I might try to do - short of working at Walmart - which will never happen.  On that, Google has buried me, and YouTube (owned by Google), has buried me, so...

My new adventure sounds like a million times more fun than sitting in front of a bunch of unappreciative people whose main objective seems to be to make me feel like some kind of vagrant.  Nice try, people, I will never doubt me, nor will I feel bad about anything I've done.  I retire from music knowing that I did everything right, and that I had some amount of talent.  I know I had the stuff to have gotten a shot - beyond that, well, I'll never know.  That part will probably eat at me till I drop dead, but that's the way of the world.  So, on to new horizons, new exhilaration, new challenges, new experiences.

Later, people.

Birds Are Disappearing and Evergreens Are Turning Brown

Yeah, I've been noticing the #birds for a couple of years now.  The #evergreens, for four years, I'd been driving from Carson City to South Lake Tahoe 4 and 5 days a week, and only in the past few months living there had I noticed the evergreens turning brown.  Some are dead.

As always, the #PowersThatBe are ignoring, denying, and cocakamying.  Their bullshit stinks to beat hell.  There are a few sites on the internet that are saying it's because of pesticides killing #insectlife - which makes sense to me.  I haven't seen many #butterflies, and I haven't seen a #ladybug in years.  I wholeheartedly believe the #insects are disappearing because of all the poison being sprayed onto the planet.  #Roundup is killing more than just the #insects, but that's for another time.  So, if there is nothing for the birds to eat, of course they're dying off.

The #evergreens, well, that's as much or more scary than the bird population disappearing.  To add injury to insult, #Google has deleted and/or hidden any and all sites or #discussions where it's being said that the dying evergreens is because of those nasty, #toxic #chemtrails.  Not only is all that #aluminumoxide, #barium, and #strontium causing humans' organs to fail, but it's doing the same to #animals, and yes, killing the stuff that grows in the ground.  I'm sure the evergreens are just the first to show signs of death, give it a little time, the rest will follow suit.  You can be sure of one thing, when the Powers That Be spend all that effort and money to make something disappear (internet sites where truth is being told about certain things), that something is dreadfully wrong.  These are the same disgusting parasites who spent decades, and billions of dollars denying #ClimateChange, and denying #chemtrails.  By the way, "ClimateChange", my ass, it should be #ClimateDestruction, and #PlanetRape.  As a result of #geneticmodification, #GMO of our food, all the toxins being put into our food, into our water (chlorine - a known neurotoxin), and into the air - which in turn gets into the water and the soil, that #BigPharma, along with the #HealthCare biz, is enjoying its biggest profits in its despicable history.  And, don't get me started on this #vaccine #vaccines bullshit.

So, my belief is that the psychopaths in power - ownership and upper management of huge #corporations, with the help of our #politicians, and with the help of #Hollywood, we are slowly and systematically being sickened, and then #murdered.  I've tried to get people to wake the fuck up through #Facebook and #Twitter, but most people are so goddam afraid of somebody not liking them, or of having somebody call them "negative", or whatever else, that it's crickets whenever something important gets posted.  Post cute horsey pictures, and people go ooh aah, but anything important - deathlike silence.

As for me, I shut down my Twitter and Facebook accounts, because well, TMA (Too Much Aggravation).  I now try to just live my little life, doing my damnedest to steer clear of all the angry people that are out there in public places, poking an grunting - like my younger brother used to do when he was ten.

All for now.

The Abuser

I'm very happy to finally be away from the ex.  It was like prison.  I didn't even realize that she had taken my ability to even have thoughts about things to do, took my motivation.  Now that I'm away from her, I have all kinds of things I plan to do, some of which I'm doing as I write this.  Being with an abusive person is complicated, often times, we don't even realize we're being abused.  I sat around doing nothing for the most part of the past 7-1/2 years - which is very much not me; but I allowed it, and didn't even begin to realize it.  I did what she wanted - which was to sit there and rot - like what she was doing.  I'm not ready to lay down and die just yet, I have things I want to do.  So, those of you who are in an abusive relationship, in a relationship where you are not allowed to be yourself, where you have been robbed of your soul, your sense of self, your motivation, get out.  Many times, getting out of an abusive relationship is difficult, you have much to unravel, but, unravel it.  You'll have to plan, put the plan into action, and wait for the result.  Don't let the person further manipulate you, because they will damn sure try.  One thing for sure, you do not deserve to be another person's slave, you deserve respect, and you deserve to be who you are.  If you're an honest, kind person, and that is being taken advantage of, it's being used against you, the only way you will ever be you, the only way you'll ever get your life back, is to get as far away from the abusive person as possible, and learn from the situation you're in.  In my situation, there really is no help, I'm the guy, I'm expected to do whatever it takes to escape an abusive situation, I shouldn't be in an abusive relationship to begin with.  But, there is help for abused women, take full advantage of that if at all possible.  You may not know for sure that you are being abused, especially if the abuse is mostly verbal and emotional.  If you are being belittled, insulted, controlled in any way, it's likely you are being abused.  I know, it's difficult, and it can be complicated.  Abusers are very good at manipulating another person's mind.  If you even think you may be in an abusive relationship, take a step back, look at your life, take a good, honest look at yourself, and at the other person, and get help in assessing everything if you can.  Saying again, to drive the point home - abusers are very good at manipulating another person's mind.  Also keep in mind, an abusive person will do ANYTHING to keep you under their control, and they are vindictive and vengeful, so when you are in the process of getting out, be damn careful, watch your back, don't assume that the person is to be trusted, that he or she will not do something life threatening.

You deserve respect, and sometimes you'll have to work damn hard to get it.

Underground Country Music, Anyone?

As my here in Lake Tahoe hopefully gets short, thoughts appear - things I want to do once I can head out.

The thing that came to mind just a few minutes ago is that I would like to find some kind of underground country music community.  If such a community exists, it would likely be in Nashville.  There has got to be a circle of folks who can actually play an sing - of a caliber that is not at the horrid low that is the standard in Nashville's mainstream, and in all local venues found in cities and town - there very few that are left, anyway.  This includes what's on the radio, what's being signed by the "Majors", what's on streaming music sites.  I'm sure such a group will not be readily out there where just anybody can find it, so I figure if there is such a bunch of people, it won't be easy to find.  My fantasy is that there are people who can actually play and sing, and where egos are not part of any of the equations.  Egos in this business have been a large contributor to the deterioration of the music biz - from top to bottom.  Remember the days when there were bars, restaurants, dance halls, and other venues where live music flourished?  Well, as we all know, such places are a thing of the past - mostly because the "Majors" have conditioned people to listen to shit, and shit will never be good for business.  Up here in South Lake Tahoe, there are a few places to play, but most of them require the musician to be of the lowest caliber possible.  You can take a look at my previous articles - it explains that a in a little more detail.  In most cities and towns, the very few live music venues are hoarded up by the Ted Kennedys of the world (speaking of the Ted Kennedy who is trying to get total control of the music circuit in Tahoe - and not the now deceased Liberal Democrat ex senator from the upper East Coast).  If you're any good, forget about it, you'll have to get some kind of day job, because Ted will do ANYTHING to lock you out.  And, even if you do manage to get in, it's not ok that he pays $10 an hour.

I digress, sorry.

I would think that such a community does exist, and is probably fairly well guarded, as I'm sure they don't want every Tom, Dick, and Harry to come waltzing in there with their half assed playing and singing, and their pathetic egos.  It would make my year if there are players out there who are at least at my level, and better.  It's no fun playing with people who can't play their way out of a wet paper bag, and you don't learn anything from them - except maybe what NOT to do; but I already know what not to do, and I've never cared to do any of it anyway.  I won't know where to begin to look for such a group, I guess just start asking around.  I'll of course, check the underground entertainment papers, but again, I'm sure they don't make it a habit of blurting out the fact that they exist, or where to find them.  Maybe there'll be some kind of coded message, guess I'll see.  I'd experienced the "Open Mic" venues when I was in Nashville 4 or 5 years ago - those places are a joke, and the people who attend them are definitely not going to be part of anything worth associating with.

I wait for my shirts to arrive.  They were promised 4 - 8 weeks from the time I paid and put in my order, it's been almost four months, and still no sign of them - just justifications, excuses, and turnabout from the guy in charge of the factory.  I've been trying to contact other factories, both American and foreign, but so far, none of them have gotten back to me.  I don't mind living in my car if the time is reasonable, but it's gotten way beyond that now.

I just landed four shifts a week (starting next week) at Gunbarrel for the summer, which will bring me some decent income for a while, most of which I will spend on advertising for my clothing line.  I am, though, hoping I won't have to be here for the whole summer, once I have my heart set on moving on, I'm ready to do it yesterday.  It will all work out, though.  One of the things I need a little time to do is to get my new guitar effects unit programmed to where my guitars and fiddle sound the way I want them to sound.  If I am going to be around players of a high caliber, I don't want to show up with an inferior sounding guitar rig, and have to be piddling with it, I need to be ready, SO, I'll spend as much time here as I need to in order to get my system sounding prime.  I also take my Martin to Van Sickle park and sing all my old country songs - for fun, and, to have them ready for when I show up with real players and singers, and possibly others in other parts of the business.  I would love to have my banjo playing somewhat up to par by the time I leave here, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen, I think the psychological crack goes deeper than just being able to practice it away.  Being away from the ex has helped my in most ways, but I think the banjo thing goes much deeper.

So, maybe just a few weeks left here in Lake Tahoe, it's been mostly a good run, I've worked, made ok money, been treated well by the folks at Gunbarrel - especially Dan, who is unlike all venue mangers I've crossed paths with.  This is a guy who appreciates a person who gives a crap about what he does, who shows up on time, and who does a good job - this is a guy who will treat a guy with respect when he earns it; and let me tell you how f'n rare that is.  So, thanks Dan, more than I can say.  Other than Gunbarrel, there's not much I can say I like about Lake Tahoe, and I won't miss it when I'm gone.

Ok, I guess that's all I have for now, thoughts racing, but kinda all the same.  So, till next time.

From Talentless Musician To Bitter Booking Agent

It's been thirty eight years in this ever devolving music business.  Corruption has taken over our country in just about every way, affecting all of us in more ways than one.  I guess it's the human condition - always has been - where inept people aspire to positions of power, in order to stroke their own ego, and in order to get some sort of cheap thrill by making life difficult for as many people as possible.  Sadly, this has been the case in the music business over no less than the past thirty years.  Pre 1980, there were a few record companies who actually looked for true talent, bands and/or artists who would sell records on their merit, their talent, their integrity, their hard work.  Here in the 2000s, what I've observed is that many of the musicians who were never able to make a connection with their listeners, who never achieved what they set out to - which was to find a way to make people adore and admire them, have gotten into positions of power in an already corrupt business.  They spent 10, 20, 30 years playing to people who simply didn't care about their mediocre and mostly unlistenable music.  These talentless, charisma-less, lazy people have now taken over just about every aspect of the music business.  Most are booking agents, in control of everything from restaurant/bars, to casinos, to 500 seater venues, right up to the big record companies, FM radio, and likely most streaming sites.  These guys are bitter and angry, and will take revenge on any artist or band that has talent, and has obviously worked at their craft.  They will taken upon themselves to dictate to these talented people to play whatever it is that they're not playing.  This is in stark contrast to the days when there was plenty of good music to go around, where venue owners and management didn't care a wit about what the band or artist played, as long as they made the customers happy, and as long as they put money in their till, they were just fine and dandy.  Back in those days, listeners, customers, were not afraid to speak up about whether a band or artist was good or not.  I SO miss those days.

I'll go so far as to mention a few names of such bitter agent types, mostly because I think that these people should be removed from their positions and left to find jobs that suit their lack of integrity.  I can think back as far as 1983, when I had a little country band that was based out of San Diego, we did traditional country, no pop country, no rock and roll, no disco, just good old fashioned country music.  Besides the normal guitar army band, we had a good girl singer (who was also the bass player, and looked like a super model), we had fiddle, banjo, harmonica, and two decent male singers.  I can't remember the name of the agent, but I do remember he was somewhere in Idaho.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  "Hi, this is Lee Jones, I was referred to you by a friend, he said you might be able to book us in a few venues in the general area of California, Oregon, Washington, Arizona, and a few others."'

Agent:  "Yes, I book many of the rooms in that area, what kind of music do you play?"

Me:  We play traditional country music, no pop, no rock and roll, just traditional country music."

Agent:  "Straight ahead Traditional Country?  WHY?"

Me:  "Because that's what people like."

Agent:  "Well, I don't know what to tell ya, we have only ONE band who does that stuff, and they've built such a monster following that they can get away with it."

Me:  "It doesn't sound to me like they're "getting away" with anything, it sounds like they're playing what people like".  Also, besides the normal, my band has a good girl singer, a fiddle, a banjo, and a harmonica".

Agent:  "Well, I don't think I can help you, my clients want what's on the radio."

Me:  "Ok, thank you for your time."

So you see, these guys have this cockamamie way of thinking, even when the proof blows their flimsy belief system out of the water, and nobody can convince them otherwise.

Then there was Jim Mitchell, booking agent of everything country in Hawaii during the late 70s and early 80s.  Forced his wife's band down every venue's throat by lying, twisting, and manipulating every person and situation in his path.  After he used every trick in the book in order to squash me, elevate his wife's band, and make every situation work for him at everybody else's expense.  He finally BS'd his way right out of the business.  His tactics included booking me at a Marine base on a Sunday afternoon, knowing it was a rock and roll crowd - a bunch of rowdy Marines (we were a straight ahead country band).  As it turns out, the Marines had a blast with us, especially once the heard the fiddle.  Jim Mitchell's line of shit when I went in to see him the following Monday, in a whiny, "You son of a bitch" tone of voice, "So, you whipped the fiddle out on 'em, huh?".  He once booked his wife's band at Hickam Air Force Base CPO club, and advertised my band - figuring his wife's band would have somebody to play to.  Backfired once again - they started wetting and wadding up napkins and throwing them at the stage, then booing, then every person in the place walked out - all of this by a half out into their first set.  There's a lot more, but you get the picture.  A few months later, Jim Mitchell moved to Arkansas and took a job at his 23 year old wife's (he was 63 at the time) parents' tire shop - selling tires.  Now THAT is justice.

Some of the other angry ex-musicians I've had the misfortune of crossing paths with, somewhat more recently are, Rob Brooks, who has control of most of the casinos in the Reno/Carson City/Lake Tahoe area.  I emailed him every week for about a year and a half, and never got one single reply.  I have a pretty decent website, complete with live videos, and all the pertinent information you would ever need.  There was Eric Dale, in Baldini's Casino in Reno.  I auditioned, while the guy did everything possible to stifle what I was doing.  He originally said he would pipe my music into the rests of the casino, and then get feedback from his customers - who by the way, were mostly older, obviously country music listeners - didn't pipe anything - he was going to make sure as few people heard me as possible.  I had a few of them in the bar dancing, including the 300 lb. Indian bartender who was grinning ear to ear the whole time.  One of the waitresses, after I got done playing, came by, also grinning, asked, "So, when do you start?"  My reply was, "I don't, Eric doesn't like the fiddle, and he said, through his girl Friday, that "Your country music won't go over in here."  Sure, it wouldn't, but you see, anything I was doing was going to be wrong - because I got just a little too much attention from the people - which once again, put a strain on his dysfunctional body parts.  There was a "Ted", who worked at the Scott Dean Agency in Reno, same, I emailed and emailed and emailed, and when I finally got him on the phone, he gave me excuse after excuse after excuse.  There was Robyn Henderson, the entertainment director at Boomtown Casino in Reno, which contained the Guitar Bar.  I auditioned, she came up to me and said, "We're gonna get you in here, give me your email address, I'll send you the tax papers, then I'll send you the open dates, you let me know which ones you can do, and we'll take it from there.".  I followed all her directions to the letter, and after I received the tax papers, and returned her email, I never heard from her - until a full YEAR later.  I replied, saying I thought she'd made a mistake in emailing me, because it had been a year since I'd auditioned and been in contact.  Her reply was, "It's not a mistake, do you want to play here or not?"  I said ok, and she sent me the "Open dates".  I replied, noting all the dates I would be able to do, never heard back.  The following month, same, sent me the "Open dates", I replied, no answer from her.  After that, I said the hell with it, I'm not going to play this game, and that was the end of that.

There's Ted Kennedy, a relative newcomer to the Lake Tahoe area.  He apparently had a little money, enough to invest a few thousand bucks in a few venues - I understand through an organization called "The Tahoe Stewardship".  Their thing is, you can invest $5000 and own a small piece of the business - any of the businesses that are affiliated with this organization.  So, he bought his way in, and got the owners to allow him to book his horrid music acts.  This guy is a wannabe musician, plays barely enough guitar to get by, sings a few songs, and tries to be Mr. Funny Man when he gets on stage, because he knows he can't play or sing.  In all fairness, he's not that bad a singer, but he's dishonest, so he goes up on the stages and BS's people.  His cheap tactics have not worked for him, I've heard the comments, and I've seen the faces in the audience.  Some of the comments were from his own managers and workers.  He has what I call the "Nick Masters Syndrome", where a guy will hire the worst musicians he can find, so that (in his mind) when he walks up onto the stage, he can look good.  It doesn't work that way, but when you are the type of person who has never worked at anything in his life, does everything the shortest, most convenient way possible, and have no talent for whatever it is you're trying to do, and then try to BS your way through, your mind gravitates toward the delusional, and the deceitful.  You wouldn't believe some of the horrid noise that comes off of the stages that this guy books; there's bad, and there's BAD - his acts are beyond even that.  This is the same guy who, when booking music at Basecamp Pizza - in the center of Heavenly Village - didn't have the proper liquor license to have live music.  The hotel guests were constantly complaining not only about the bad music, but about the unbelievably LOUD noise that was coming from the restaurant.  I experienced the LOUD, because I play at the restaurant/bar right across the breezeway three, four, and five days a week.  These guys took "If you can't play good, play loud" to a whole new universe.  - beyond bad and horribly loud.  So, after all the complaints, somebody learned that he didn't have the proper liquor license, and reported him to the ABC (the Liquor Commission in Nevada).  So, being the "What can I get away with" type of person that he is, he still has his no talents play there, just without the sound system.  I'm amazed that ABC hasn't gotten wind of what he's doing - he's been getting away with his charade fore something like four months.  I'm not going to be the one to turn him in, but I'm sure eventually somebody will.  Oh yeah, this guy has also locked me out of playing at any of his venues.  He hired me at first, until enough people said nice things about me - enough to shrink his body parts, at which time he abruptly stopped booking me.  After a few months, he texts me to say, "Hey, if you're not going to do the shows I book you for, I need you to put them up on Schedule Fly (the app he used to book acts at his places)".  I said, "You haven't booked me in six months, so I signed out of Schedule Fly".  He claimed there was a glitch, but BS.  So, I agreed to do Tuesdays at The Beer Garden (in the Basecamp Hotel - different location from Basecamp Pizza), and Thursdays at California Burger - where, according to the main manager and some of the waitresses, I was one of the favorites.  I did one Tuesday and one Thursday, at which time he again, abruptly quit booking me.  As it turns out, it worked out for the best, as the folks at Gunbarrel Tavern have treated me with a high level of respect for the four years I've been playing there.  There's also that Ted pays his acts $10 and hour - which comes out to less than minimum wage when you consider set up and tear down time.  So, the result is that the ten dollar an hour acts play at the ten dollar an hour venues - which is the way it should be.  The funny thing is, four years ago, when I first arrived in Lake Tahoe, Basecamp Pizza was always the first to fill up, then Gunbarrel and Fire And Ice (right across the way from us at Gunbarrel) would get customers.  For whatever reason, over the past year or so, Gunbarrel has been the first to fill up with customers, and then Basecamp Pizza.  This is especially noticeable when there are not a lot of people in the Village.  When Heavenly Village is packed, every restaurant/bar is packed, but when things are slower, we fill up first - consistently.  What I can't figure out is, how is it that the actual owners of Basecamp Pizza don't hear about what goes on in their places of business.  I tell you, if I were a customer going into any of the restaurants he has his fingers in, and was subjected to listening to the horrid acts that play in them, I would be irate, and would without hesitation, go to the management and scream bloody murder.  I know I can't be the only person who thinks that way.  I do know, from first hand experience, though, that while bullshit will open many doors, more often than not, it does catch up to a person - usually way too slowly, but does catch up eventually.  To be clear, I will not play in any of Ted's places.  The few other live music venues in Lake Tahoe - the managements have refused to talk to me - sending down their elves to run me off - nothing new to me.

As if this isn't enough, there's Las Vegas, went there last fall, just to see what it was like, didn't intend to stay there, just wanted to take a look.  Spending two months there was enough to choke a dinosaur.  There was "Frank Joseph" of the Steve Beyer Agency; the typical bitter and angry ex musician who wants revenge on any artist who might be any good at what he does.  Me playing the part of a musician looking for work, he did the usual, "Whatever you're doing, it's wrong, no matter what you do, it will be wrong, so I don't know what I can do for you."  I did manage to get in a few jabs, but once again, they are in control, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it even if I wanted to.

So, with these people having taken control over every aspect of the music business, any artist who may have the talent to actually sell on his or her own merit, will be mercilessly squashed.  Most any talented artist will have learned this a long time ago, and gotten out of the business, trading a life of frustration and disgust for a more conventional line of work.  As for me, the dream is gone, the thrill is gone, the challenge is gone, and it's just a matter of a few more weeks before I can get out once and for all.  It should have happened two months ago, but with today's ineptitude and lack of integrity and pride in work, my clothing line has taken twice as long to be manufactured as the factory CEO told me it would.  As I wait, I live in my car, so that I can have the money to pay for advertising when my shirts (the first installment of my clothing line) do finally arrive.  I knew I wouldn't be able to pay near a thousand bucks a month rent, AND pay for advertising, so, I chose to move into my car.  It's not so bad, the most difficult part is finding a place to sleep.  I seem to be ok, at least so far, in casino parking lots.  I'm not a nuisance, I only park there at night, to sleep for a few hours.  Whatever sleep I don't get at night, I go to Van Sickle park and sleep a couple hours in the morning.  During my days off, I hike up the mountain at Van Sickle, I lay in the sun whenever and wherever I can, and I either play my Martin or my banjo - I found a secluded place at Van Sickle, where nobody can see or hear me - and it's outdoors - my dream place to play music.  It's been the month of May, and now into June, where it's been mostly cold, windy, and rainy, so I haven' been able to do these things as much as I would have liked to, but I do them whenever possible.  Last night it got down to 30 degrees - ON THE FIRST OF JUNE.  If/when my clothing line generates an income that matches what I earn at Gunbarrel (which isn't get rich money, but enough to live on), I'll move back indoors - probably not in the Northern Nevada area, but somewhere warmer, somewhere where I can be outside in a t shirt for 8 or 9 months out of the years, as opposed to being bundled up 8 or 9 months out of the year - just to be outside.  The line in the Charley Pride song, "But I'd rather be fightin' the wind and rain, than what I've been fightin' back home", finds its way into my head a lot these days :D .

Well, as with any major life change, you first have to plan, put that plan into action, and wait for the result.  I live this as I speak.

Till next time.

Courage And Honesty

Being one who has always instinctively looked around me, and who has always closely observed people, their actions, social situations, and the overall human condition, I've noticed that people are, among other things, much more angry than they were 30 and 40 years ago.  There are many reasons for this, I'll try to discuss, and offer remedies, one at a time.

First is society, and its distorted definitions of "Truth", and of "Courage".  We, as little American children, have been conditioned to be "Tough".  Talk about distorted definitions.  "Tough" has been defined as being belligerent, aggressive, stubborn, possessive, controlling, and bullying.  Consequently, 90% of the population, both male and female, walk around with their chests puffed out, feeling the need to prove how "Tough" they are.  Well, that's ass backward.  I believe that life is not about being tough, life is about being kind, compassionate, generous, and caring, in the face of all the horrible things that go on.  A person who has been violated as a child - mostly before the age of ten, can do one of two things with the experience of being violated.  One, he can go out and do the same to all his surrogates - in other words, punish every person he crosses paths with, OR, he can go out and be kind and caring.  The former will bring nothing but more grief - for himself and for most who he comes in contact with.  This person will always feel the need to elevate himself, by his attempts to establish superiority, his efforts to belittle others, his belligerent behavior, and his otherwise mean spiritedness.  He tends to be controlling and vindictive, and never treating his significant other (or any person, for that matter), as an equal - always needing to be in control, telling her what to wear, who she can talk to, how long she can take to make the trip to the grocery store, or "One upping" at all times.  To be clear, this is not only the case with the male being the abuser, it happens also with the female being the abuser.  Add to that, when the person on the receiving end stands up against the abuser, the abuser will always play the victim - needing to convince himself as well as any other that he is being attacked for no apparent reason.  Physical violence often ensues, not with the absence of verbal attacks, belittling, cheap insults, and in the case where the female is the abuser, she will almost always attempt to emasculate the male.

In this case, I see the cause as being beyond obvious.  There have been many articles written, mostly hidden, but still written.  There are schools of thought that are right in line with my set of beliefs.  My belief is that in the case of such individuals, something happened to them before the age of ten, something traumatic, something such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse - and must have been going on for a period of time.  I don't believe that one isolated situation will cause the crack in the mind that occurs when a person is violated over periods of time - it's possible, but not likely.  The result of being violated as a child is that the person will reach adulthood, feeling the need to punish surrogates - any person who represents the violator.  This (the violator) can be a relative, friend of the family, teacher, coach, or a total stranger.  The surrogate can be any person that the victim crosses paths with - usually, though, significant others.  Often times it can be siblings, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, etc.  The punishment can be in many forms.  It can be subtle verbal digs, less than subtle insults, attempts at belittling, aggression, as well as the many other forms of bullying.  The person will not be honest about any of his or her faults, always needing to shift blame onto the person they are attacking.  They employ all the telltale tactics - the anger card, playing the victim, threats, indignation, and escalated bullying.  Most of today's "Therapies" will try to alter the symptoms, rather than deal with the actual problem.  The aggression, the belittling, the bullying, those are all symptoms, and what you cannot do is tell the person to redirect his anger, his reactions to being aggressed against, you cannot simply make emotions go away, you cannot "Create a new pathway for actions", as "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy", and "Mindfulness" dictate.  Dealing with the underlying problem is the only way to truly treat the person.  The answer is simple.  First, we have been conditioned to believe that if anything happens to us, is because we asked for it, and that we were weak, that we were cowardly for allowing it to happen.  Well, BULLSHIT.  A child of ten or under, who is violated by a full grown adult is not weak, and he is not by any means a coward.  The weak one, the coward, is the full grown adult who violated a child, a defenseless child.  A ten year old will not even know what the hell is going on when he or she is sexually assaulted, physically assaulted, or verbally/emotionally assaulted, and will not have the slightest idea of how to deal with it, much less be able to defend himself against it - against a full grown adult.  Again, the weak one, the coward, is the full grown adult who assaulted a child.  With all these new so called "Therapies", we have exponentially more depression, anxiety, and other mental and emotional disorders, as well as more delusional people, more mental illness, more psychosis, more overall anger, and more rage.  That, right there, is my proof that modern therapies do not work, in fact, I think they do more to make the problems much worse than they do to help.  Then, on top of all that, everywhere you look - TV, radio, printed media, peers, they all parrot what they were conditioned to believe.  We are constantly bombarded by lies and half truths.  Speaking of bullies, if you haven't already been to a therapist who belongs to any of these modern "Therapies", try visiting one, observe the bullying, observe the dictatorial behavior, the way the therapist will shut you down the instant you start to describe what happened to you - they do not want to hear it, they will say, "It's not helpful".  They believe that suppressing your emotions IS helpful, and let me tell you, that is the WORST thing you can do to yourself - suppress your emotions.  My belief is that once you've realistically dealt with the actual problem the symptoms will go away by themselves - you will not have to "Let it go", or "Just get over it".

Next, distortions of truth:  Western society has bastardized the definition of "Coward".  There's the "Tail between the legs", which any dictionary has claimed as part of the etymology of the word.  Well, again, BULLSHIT.  Every person is afraid of something.  So, who gets to define the difference between being afraid of something, and being a coward?  For me, a coward is a the person who finds, manufactures, or discovers a weapon to hide behind, while he or she uses that to cause grief and loss for other people, to belittle, antagonize, and emasculate others.  To clarify, being afraid of something does NOT make you a coward.  Saying again, it takes courage to be kind to people in the face of all the horrible things that go on in the world, it takes courage to be generous, caring, while seeing that most people are none of these things.  I always offer a high level of respect to any person I cross paths with - until given a reason not to, at which time I will do my best to get as far away from as possible.  If the person persists, and there is nothing else to do, then by all means, defend yourself, just be careful.  Such people do not go out in the world being belligerent while being unarmed.  Many carry guns, knives, tasers, and many will have their lawyers on speed dial.  There are surveillance cameras every ten feet, and judges who do not like a person "Taking the law into his or her own hands".  So, again, be careful.  Also, remember that if Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, or Superman were to deal with situations in real life the way they do on scripted television shows, they would be in prison for a long time.  For the record, such movies and TV send the wrong message, and have caused many a little American boy to grow up to be a frustrated and enraged adult who will sport all the signs of being such - the big, noisy automobiles, the defacing of the body, the passive/aggressive demeanor and actions.  So, keep in mind that being afraid of something does not make you a coward - being belligerent makes you a coward.  You can rid yourself of such actions if you are honest - to be discussed below.

We are taught to be "Honest", but we are not taught what that entirely means.  We all know that we should not attack an old woman and steal her purse, and that it's wrong to break into someone's house and steal their belongings, and/or to hurt people.  But, when it comes to things of the heart, most people are as dishonest as the day is long.  Most people will deny the less than pleasant occurrences in the world, they will hide, minimize, even defend it.  They will defend and deny their own actions.  Once again, we are conditioned to not talk about the less than pleasant - we are told that we should be thankful for all that we DO have, that the bad things should be ignored.  Well, for the third time, BULLSHIT.  Ignoring bad people, ignoring bad behavior, ignoring unpleasant situations, only serves to allow them to fester, for bad people to continue to get away with bad behavior.  That's not to say we should complain just for the sake of complaining, but we should try to start the discussion, and ultimately try to remedy the situation.  Being silent will never bring about a good result - or any result at all.  This boils over into the realm of "Negative".  For me, there is nothing more negative than being dishonest.  If you pretend that things are peachy when they're not, you are being dishonest.  If you pretend your life is wonderful when it's not, you are being dishonest.  If you refrain from pointing out evil because you're afraid people will not like you, or that people will call you negative - you are being dishonest.  If you attack a person, then cry victim when that person reacts in a way the you do not approve of, you are being dishonest.  In order to remedy a problem, you must first acknowledge it.  If it's something of yours, you must  first own up to it.  Don't be afraid to put the responsibility where it belongs - as opposed to where society would like it to be.  Keep in mind that everything that happens to you is NOT your fault.  The things you are responsible for, be responsible for them, but do not accept blame for things you had no control over, things that other people created.

Back on the subject of "Courage" for a minute.  Courage is what it takes to face the harsh realities of life without denying, without numbing your brain with substances such as alcohol or drugs,  Courage is facing the harsh realities of life without believing in magic - things such as good luck charms, superstitions, and of imaginary friends sitting up there in the sky on golden thrones, behind pearly gates.  There is obsessive gambling, obsessive shopping, and obsessive eating - none of which will do one bit of good for you.  There is no fat gene, no lazy gene, and no diabetes gene - just habits and actions.  Life just happens as it happens, and it is up to us to deal with it the best way we know how.  One thing for sure, if you have the crack in your mind that is created by being violated as a child, you will be unable to be happy, unable to function in a healthy way, unable to be in stable, healthy relationships - such things are difficult enough as it is.  Saying once again, in order to fix the crack in your mind, embrace the fact of who was the weak, cowardly one when you were violated as a child - you were not weak, you were not a coward, YOU WERE A LITTLE KID.

So, being honest, being positive, being courageous - these things should be defined, but they are not.  I'm sure this is no accident, being that the Powers That Be do not want healthy people, they want subjects, they want lifetime customers, they want that revenue.  There will always be bad people, best to avoid them when possible, fight them when necessary, and use any platform at your disposal to point out the evils of the world - without simply being a chronic complainer.  Look for remedies, look to comfort those who fall victim to the evils of the world.  Embrace what happens to you - even the less than pleasant - all of it is part of life.  Don't fear death - death is part of life - respect it, but don't be afraid of it.  Don't let your ego dictate how you live, and don't go around thinking that the universe cannot go on without you or your bloodline. Value life, but don't be obsessed with it.  Strive to live a healthy life, and not necessarily a long life.  Allow other people to live the way they see fit, as long as they are not intruding on, or hurting others.  And, most of all, be honest.

All for now.