Sunday, December 29, 2013

By Bullshit Meter And My Creepo Meter Are Starting... go over into the red.

I'm beginning to see that I may be part of some kind of social experiment.

P.S.  I'm beginning to see that I may be part of some kind of social experiment.

Dear Powers That Be,
Go fuck yourselves.

Friday, December 13, 2013

I’m Sure My Instruments Miss Me

I haven’t played a guitar, banjo, or any of my instruments for that matter, in about a month.  One of the things I looked forward to in getting into an apartment, after being in the RV for a year, was to have my own room where I could play, uninterrupted, with no hostility from anybody, with no dirty looks or snide remarks.  Well, it seemed to be ok for a couple of months, and while I noticed some amount of thinly disguised resentment, I played through it for the short amount of time. So, the resentment for me playing my music continues to incite resentment from many.  When I was 13, first learning, the angry, begrudging step mom would make snide comments about me playing – even though I always waited until there was nobody in the house before I would play.  The neighbor girl did the same – every chance she got – same as the step mom.  Through the years, I’ve had more cops and management people called on me than I can count, and just about every significant other (girlfriend or wife) showed resentment to some degree.  Funny, up until just 3 or 4 years ago, I didn’t spend much time playing for my own amusement, I only played when I needed to learn a song or a guitar part – but still – cops called, management called, and even had a loudmouth neighbor come pounding on my door.  I had the obnoxious, green with envy guy come in the house every day for five months – to interrupt me, stop me from playing the best he could, while I would be forced to listen to his endless, self righteous babbling for hours.  Being that this was not my house, with all the circumstances there, I had no choice but to listen to his crap – until I finally laid into him after he bullied me for the thousandth time (not music related this time).  It was very shortly after that where I ended up homeless.  Well, I’m in this situation, where I am very much not in control of my own life – not by any fault of my own, and where my instruments and I are forced to be stifled.  They sit in their cases, probably missing me as much as I miss them.  I find it very sad that so many people have so much anger and resentment.  I’ve seen that so many people resent anybody who plays a musical instrument – this is not exclusive to me.  The resentment here - I think it’s a control thing, a disease of possessiveness, the music is not the only thing that is suffering.  There’s nothing I can do at the moment, so I do what is necessary.  My instruments and I will not be separated forever, unless I must exit this plane of existence, which I would happily do should the need arise.
All for now.

One Of My Most Glaring Regrets

It’s 2003, I’m playing music at the Tin Fish – a seafood restaurant that sits at the end of the Imperial Beach Pier in San Diego.  Severe depression has set in, along with horrible anxiety.  While playing at the pier, I experience some hostility from some of the customers.  While it was fairly rare, it seemed to me at the time, to be constant.  Besides the hostility at the pier, I ended up getting two chicken shit traffic tickets on two separate occasions, while on the way to playing.  Anyway, one day I’m playing, and at some point an older woman and a young girl – she appears to be about 11 years old – appear there, they are sitting on a bench – not a lunch table, but a bench that was up against the railing of the wooden pier.  On my break, I walk over in their direction, and the older woman stops me, says hi, that they are enjoying my music, and then introduces me to her niece, Victoria.  Victoria is a very well mannered girl, dressed conservatively – as opposed to so many at her age who dress with as little clothing as possible, with disrespect and anger written all over them.  I sit and talk with them for a few minutes, then I go into the restaurant to get a cup of hot chocolate.  I go up to play another set, and on my next break, they’re still there – sittin on the bench.  The woman comes to me and asks if she could buy me a hot chocolate, and I kind of zombie-like accept.  A couple of people who I knew showed up about then, and when the woman came back with my hot chocolate, I also zombie-like sat down at the table where the people I knew were.  I wasn’t talking to any of them, and they weren’t talking to me.  I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, but Victoria and her aunt were sitting just a few feet away from me – off to the side, still on the bench.  I’m sitting there with nothing on my mind, blindly staring off at the sky and the ocean.  After a few minutes of this, Victoria’s aunt comes over to me and says, “We’ll see you later”, and they walk away.  This has haunted me ever since, I feel like I was rude and unfeeling towards Victoria and her aunt.  They didn’t deserve for me to ignore them – even though I didn’t do it knowingly, in fact, I was off in some other world, and to this day, I don’t know what they hell got into me right then.  Victoria and her aunt were very pleasant people from the couple of minutes that I did spend with them on the earlier break, so I cannot figure out why I was so unthinking and unaware of them being there.  I know I made them feel bad, and I wish I could find them so I can apologize.  Probably too little too late, and they probably wouldn’t even remember me or what happened, but still.  I’m sure I’ll never see them again, so this will continue to haunt me every time it enters my mind.
My motto is if I’m going to be rude to somebody, it better be with damn good reason – and there was no good reason for me to be rude to Victoria and her aunt.  I’m so sorry, and if you should, by some fluke, find this page, please know that that day is one I could take back and do again.


Thursday, December 12, 2013

Is It Reno, Me, Or The Whole Goddam World?

I’ve been living in Reno for about a year and a half, and I’ve grown to really hate it here.  First, aside from the 3-1/2 years I spent in Peru, I have never seen a bunch of angry drivers all in one place in my goddam life.  I will say that no less than 95% of the bug eyed drivers who go around tailgating everybody in their path, gunning past other drivers, and even speeding around in the snow and ice – are driving full size pickup trucks.  And, 95% of the full size pickup drivers have the dreaded goatee, shaved head or baseball cap, and shades on the head – I wonder what THAT means (that’s a rhetorical).  While I avoid sports bars like a bad disease, I do end up in one occasionally – they all try to talk like MMA guys – every goddam one of ‘em.
I won’t spend a lot of space on the huffing and puffing in the checkout lines at grocery stores – I’ll just say that it’s mostly middle aged and older people who are just jumping up and down because they are in line.
Next is, other than in Peru, I have never seen a bigger bunch of inept, incompetent businesses in one town in my life – and they are all full of it – they will gouge, lie, excuse, and blame the customer.  Just today I had the maintenance guy over here to fix the dishwasher and water heater.  Dishwasher won’t drain, and the 50 gallon water heater runs out in less than 5 minutes of a shower.  I sat here and listened to the dumbass try to tell me I was using the wrong dishwasher detergent, and that it’s normal for the water to sit at the bottom of the goddam thing.  Then he tried to tell me that if I let the water warm up before my shower, that that would run out the supply of hot water in the FIFTY GALLON WATER HEATER.  As if that weren’t enough, he then said that if I had the heat in the apartment on, that since it’s so cold right now, it would affect the hot water.  After I asked him why I’ve been using the same dishwasher detergent for the whole time in this apt. (4 months), why all of a sudden, AND, what’s the excuse for the hot water running out when it was 105 degrees outside, he whimpers, “Well, I’m not gonna argue with you, sir, I’ll just have Debbie come over tomorrow and you can talk to her about it”.  He also had to change the locking mechanism for the sliding glass door to the patio, so now, the handle wiggles all over the place.  “Debbie” will hear about all this tomorrow, and if she feeds me the same bullshit as this sniveling little dwid did today, she’s gonna wish she didn’t.
I’ve had similar experiences with three different computer repair stores, and I’ve been on the receiving end of lazy ass “Customer service” people whose answer, when asked to help was, “I dunno”.  Friend of mine laid into one at WalMart for that a few weeks ago. I’m in the middle of my report to the BBB regarding one of the computer stores – it’s a back and forth debate between me and the f’n parasite store owner that could go on for months.
Then there’s the entertainment directors at the casinos – who, after a year and a half of my attempts to contact them, have yet to answer their phone, return a phone call, and/or acknowledge an email – and I’m talking about more phone calls and emails than I can begin to count.
For the first 50+ years of my life, I had a handful of headaches – and always because something was wrong – never a headache for no apparent reason.  Well, over the past 3 years, I’ve had headache after headache after headache – and sometimes blinding ones.  I know exactly why – it’s from all the daily bullshit that I’ve been putting up with all my life – it’s really starting to take its toll.  If I don’t soon get into a situation where I can have some amount of peace and quiet, peace of mind, and where I don’t get screwed with from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed, I will end up very soon with some major health problems – and that’s after being a pillar of health my whole life up until now.  My only wish is that if or when I do get a heart attack or stroke, that I drop dead, and don’t end up hanging around as a vegetable.  I made a promise to me a long time ago – wheelchair, paraplegic, brain damage, or any major health problem, that I will cut an artery open and be done with this fucked up beyond repair piece of shit of a place.
So, so far, I have yet to find anything I like about this craphole of a town – with the angry people, businesses who have no business being in business, slack-asses for workers, and the Good Ol’ Boy network firmly in place in the entertainment circle.  The one thing I’m not a hundred percent sure of is whether it’s just this town, or if the whole f’n world.  Either way, I’ll venture to say that I’ll be out of this black hole known as Reno as soon as I’m able.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

                This is me, you pathetic little chicken shits, but you knew that already.

Hey cowards.  How does it feel to know that the only thing you know is to hide behind your bullshit, in the safety of your computer room, or your secret hiding place where nobody knows where you are, while you cause grief and loss for the masses?  How does it feel to know that you are rotting from the inside out from your hatred and lies?  I know you’re the ones who have screwed with me for decades – because what, you’re afraid of me???  I know you’re the ones who put that baseball cap in my apartment, and moved my stuff around just enough so that I knew it was moved.  I know you’re the ones who jammed my radio station.  I know you’re the ones who told Google to bury my old photography website, and who got YouTube to delete my videos, accounts, and censor my comments.  I know you're the ones who, of all things, snipped the little balls off my hairbrush - all of them, all at once - how juvenile and pathetic is THAT???  I know you’re the ones who send me my usual day to day bullshit that you would like me to believe is the natural order of things.  I know you’re the ones who saw to it that I didn’t get my insurance money, I know you sent that Peruvian girl – with or without her knowledge.  I know you’re the ones who have been making damn sure I don’t get what I earn, you’ve closed all the doors in the music business, because what, you’re afraid of seeing somebody who actually WORKED at something and made something of himself – right, you pathetic little cowards?  How does it feeeeeel, to know that you would never, in a million years, come out and face me, or any of the other decent people whose lives you screw from the safety of your little bunker?  Guess what, fucking pathetic little pieces of shit, I still sleep well every night, while you gotta do the fifth of vodka just so you can stand your disgusting selves.  I continue to look for that crack in your armor, the hole in the huge wall that you built to protect yourselves from people like me, and to keep us out of where we might actually make this a little better place to live.  If or when I do slip through where you didn’t see me, I’ll come after you, I’ll expose you for the worthless fucking parasitic goddam yellow bellied pieces of shit that you are.  If I go to my grave before that, well, rest assured that I still know what miserable little weasels you really are.  Paranoid and delusional, you say?  Go fuck yourselves.

If you should grow a backbone someday (fat fucking chance), I offer you to some see me, I’ll be waitin’.

Goofy Grin, Rifle Arm, and Pathetic Little Men, Part III


It’s Little League baseball season in Hawaii, back around 1967, Kanewai Park.  There was this one kid on the “Senators”, he was a skinny kid with a goofy grin and a rifle arm – and I mean a rifle of an arm – no arc balls, no lobbing, those pitches came hissing at the plate – rising upwards a few inches from the backspin.  There were a few times when the opposing coaches had to drag a kid kicking and crying up to the batter’s box, because the kid was afraid of this wiry pitcher, who, by the way, never hit a batter- not once.  Well, the wiry kid’s parents moved, so the following year he had to play for the “White Sox”.  The coaches were two clowns who each had a kid on the team that apparently they wanted to make stars out of.  They had one on the pitcher’s mound, and the other on second base.  These kids had no arm, no gumption, no game, no talent, nothing.  The pitcher threw nothing but arc balls, which the other teams had no problem smacking all over the place.  The goofy grinned kid, well, he sat on the bench the whole time.  Oh yeah, there was also the termite on third base – who, on the rare occasion that he actually fielded a grounder, would toss the ball in the general direction of first base with all he had, where it would sometimes roll at the general vicinity of first base – other times it would end up closer to home plate.  And yes, the skinny, rifle armed kid with the goofy grin never saw one second of game time.

Fast forward to today, the city is Reno, Nevada, and it’s not baseball this time, it’s the music business – from which some of us have made a living for quite a few years.  The kid with the goofy grin is still as na├»ve as he was when he was 10, firing baseballs at the plate because that’s what he did – and not to show anybody up, or to threaten anybody’s manhood.  He makes music because that’s all he knows, and all he ever wanted to do.  He never sold out, and was never able to fit into western society as we know it.  I’ve been here almost a year and a half, and I have not been able to get a single entertainment director, a single owner or manager to return a phone call or email.  I’d be willing to bet that not a single one of them has even looked at my demo videos.  The acts that are working around town – in the casinos, they could easily be compared to the arc ball pitcher, and the second baseman who hit first base about two thirds of the time, and the third baseman who could not, under any circumstance, even come close to reaching the first baseman’s glove.  So far, in the many painful excursions to the handful of rooms where they hire solo acts, it’s been amateur night, street musician night, or the lounge lizard from hell.  One of the rooms just recently cut back from four nights a week of entertainment to three, and another is trying something different on one of the nights that normally featured the regular live entertainment.  For the record, there is a huge difference between bashing the “competition”, and reality.  If there were good acts here, I would be the first to say so, and I’d even shake their hand, but well, what I’ve heard literally hurts my ears, and makes my skin crawl.  The worst part of all this, though, is, as I said, the fact that not a single entertainment director or manager has answered the phone, returned a phone call, or returned an email in my countless efforts to make contact.  I don’t know if it’s a very tight knit Good Ol’ Boy network, or if there is something else behind this, but it’s gotten way past the point of absurd.  People who are smarter than me have said that they do not believe in coincidences – well, I agree with that for the most part, but, coincidence or not, this is way beyond reason or logic – it appears to me that there is, at the risk of sounding paranoid, something behind the endless avoidance, unanswered phone calls and emails.

I do have my new CD that has been sent to quite a few radio stations, including Sirius XM, and Pandora, but the reality is that there is a very slim chance that any of the program directors will ever get around to listening to it.

In case you would like to see Fid doing what he does, you can find him here:

It appears I must come up with another plan.  It’s a damn good thing that this is not a life or death situation, or I’d have been in the ground long before now, or at the very least, I’d be living under a bridge.  Being the town leper is not the most pleasant thing I’ve ever experienced – and holy hell, now that I think about it, five years of that is a bit much O_O .

Sunday, September 29, 2013

The Carburetor And The Paint Job...

Once upon a time, as I drove down the street, I saw a nice car next to me, chugging along, driver frowning with dismay.  Being that I’d seen a few cars acting as this one did, when I got to the stoplight, I kindly said, “Hey, you might want to have your carburetor looked at”.  The driver looked over, still frowning, replied, “Eh, fuck you, buddy, mind your own fucking business, there’s nothing wrong with my goddam car, AND, your paint job sucks!!!”.

This is precisely what happens when a person hears something he or she doesn’t want to hear.  In the case of an addict – and let me tell you, addicts come in all shapes and sizes, and an addiction can be to just about anything – this is the M.O.  A particular personal case of mine involves a 30 year old who is addicted to online video games.  He and his girlfriend will spend 8 – 12 hours a day in front of their computers, eyes bugged out, cussing, swearing, ignoring their infant daughter, the house being a mess, and not spending one red hot second trying to better their life.  The girlfriend feeds the addiction, and has absolutely no ambition of any kind – other than to spend countless hours trying to satisfy her voracious appetite for online gaming.  She is controlling, manipulates him into doing what she wants.  Yes, he can make his own choices, but we all know how easy it is to fall into the habit of letting another person pull the puppet strings without realizing it.  The guy has been talking, for no less than five years, about becoming a professional writer, and a professional graphics tech and website builder, but has not made any significant effort towards pursuing either interest – in spite of his claims to the contrary.  He has a full time job managing a video store, but still makes time to spend countless hours, not to mention, countless dollars, on this mindless and expensive habit.  BTW, this is a guy who was trained in the Air Force to build aircraft, and spent approximately seven years or so working for private aircraft companies, including Columbia Air and Lockheed Martin.  He happens to be a family member of mine, and, I stayed with him at his apartment for about four months just a short while back.  I cannot begin to tell you what I witnessed in that short time, things that I find unmentionable.  The actual things they did, the things they neglected, is not the point I want to make here.  The thing that is causing great harm, not only to this little family, but to millions of people, is that most, especially when confronted with something personal – as in a shortcoming of some kind – will deny to the death, they will excuse, they will attack, they will insult, and they will lie.  First, when one denies, then excuses, then pleads guilty to a lesser charge, he, in essence is saying, “NO, I DIDN’T DO THAT”, then, “Well, I did it because _______”, then, “Well, I kinda did it”.  This telegraphs the lie – while the person thinks he or she is fooling everybody else.  Next, when the person does, “Your paint job sucks”, he is employing still another cheap, dishonest tactic – the objective being to divert attention from the facts at hand, hiding behind the launching of personal attacks – in this case, the facts being, “I have an addiction, and my girlfriend is feeding it”.  All the cheap insults, the name calling, the “Your paint job sucks” only serve to show the person for what he is – dishonest.  I went through this once before with this same person a few years ago – it didn’t take him long to resort to vulgar filth, gross namecalling, and some of the cheapest, most disgusting insults I’d ever heard.  This particular time, I stopped before it got to that, it was to the point of vague, behind the back insults, and I didn’t see any benefit for allowing it to get the point that it did the previous time.  P.S.  Narcissism qualifies as a sickness.

My question is, why is it so difficult for so many people to just be honest?  Why do they try so desperately to hide from the truth, and to hide from themselves?  In my experience, it’s so much easier to take a look at myself, assess the situation honestly, and act accordingly.  If there realistically is something wrong, I’ll try to fix it, and, if I had offended any person with it, I would hunt them down and apologize; AND, I would make damn sure I didn’t make the same mistake again.  If the guy in the chugging car would have said, “Ok, thanks, I’ll have it looked at”, that would have brought only good results, but the sad fact is, I don’t recall ever hearing a single person reply that way – and I’m not just talking about my own situations – for one thing, I don’t make it a habit of telling other people what’s wrong with them or their lives; and for another, I’ve witnessed quite a few situations other than my own.

To drive the point home, I’ll mention that it’s likely most of you have had dealings with an alcoholic, drug addict, or a gambling addict.  An addiction is an addiction is an addiction, and the symptoms are always the same – denial, defensiveness, excusing, and attacking.  I, personally, don’t relate to addictions, because for whatever reasons, I don’t have an addictive personality.  That’s not to say I don’t have other issues to deal with, other shortcomings, it’s just that addiction happens to not be one of them.  From where I sit, addiction is a choice, not a disease.  What I mean by “not a disease” is that there is no bacteria, no virus, no gene, no single celled organism, that causes addiction.  It’s not some little amoeba that makes you pick up that bottle, light up the cigarette, or sit in front of the computer for hours on end, doing god knows what.

So, as with most things of the world, I have no answers.  I must admit that this kind of situation does cause me some amount of grief – mostly because that’s how I react to dishonesty. I also don't do so well with personal attacks.  It's not the content of the insult that I have a problem with, it's what's behind the attacks - it's the attempts at bullying, the attempts at pushing my buttons - now THERE is one of my shortcomings.  While I am far from perfect, and while I don’t claim to be all that smart, one thing I will never do is bullshit anybody.

All for now.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Since I Was Knee High To A Pissant…

People have been trying to take away my sense of self worth.  From parents, to “friends”, to Little League baseball coaches, to teachers, to High School basketball coaches and referees, to business owners I had the misfortune of working for when I was a young adult, to people in the music business of all ranks and positions, to girlfriends and wives, and it continues to this day.  As if that’s no enough, people seem to like to push me – they seem to see me as some wimpy little mouse that they can talk to with gross disrespect, who they can bully, taunt, and whatever else – until I start belting people.  Seems that’s the only way I get any respect.  Does that mean that people define a person by the power of his right hook?  I sure goddam hope not, because that would be pitiful.  If a person is seen as kind, unassuming, non confrontational, non contentious, and soft spoken, most will see him as a fool, and will treat him accordingly – and this has been the story of my life.  Funny thing, the times I actually did knock some smartass off his feet, it was, “Oh my god, what a nasty attitude”, and, “Geez, this guy is violent”.  Isn’t verbal abuse violent?  Isn’t emotional abuse violent?  Isn’t bullying blatantly violent?  Even when I get into verbal boxing matches, I’m labeled as harsh, angry, and with a bad attitude.  People have tried to bully me into submission, they have reported to authorities, they have gone all over town, telling anybody who would listen that I’m some kind of monstrous, ill tempered dragon that needs to be slayed.  Add to that, if the person does dare to debate me face to face, they try the guilt, the shouting down, the bullying, the distorting of what I say, and every cheap debate tactic known to man and then some.  I always say, “If you start by hiding behind bullshit, you’re gonna lose”,  and I have made more enemies than I can begin to count because of this.  I won’t debate or argue unless I have facts and truth behind me – I don’t see any sense in doing otherwise.  And yes, people hate that.

One of the things I promised me when I was young, was that I would never get into any kind of debate – whether verbal or otherwise – while trying to hide behind untruths, and that I would never employ sneaky, underhanded, or otherwise cheap, manipulative tactics – and I’ve kept that promise.  When I played Little League baseball, I was the skinny kid with the goofy smile and the rifle arm, and I’m still that guy.  I always shook the other team’s hand after the game, and I meant it.  Same when I played basketball in high school – I was a sportsman, and when I congratulated the players on the other teams, I meant it.  Yes, there were times when I had to bend the rules – when some big bullying ass would try to push me around when the referees weren’t looking – my dad taught me an old elbow trick – which I used on occasion – and let me tell you, it worked every time without fail – thanks for that, Dad.  Funny thing, though, I always hated it when some knuckle dragging numbskull would put me in the position to do stuff like that – and it’s the same even as I speak.  After going about my life, having to occasionally put a bully in his place over the years, an incident occurred about ten years ago, on a pier in San Diego, and I’ve since had to walk away from the bullies of the world – mostly because I fear for my freedom, and in many cases here more recently, I fear for my well being.  As the world becomes angrier and angrier by the day, I cross paths with some horribly angry people just about every time I leave the house, and I know they’re not out there acting like idiots while being unarmed.

I’d like to elaborate on that last piece there.  We American boys are taught from the day we’re born, that we must be Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris, and Superman all rolled into one – that we must “Kick ass”, that we must handle every situation with brass ones, and with scripted verbal perfection.  One sad circumstance is that with every day that goes by, the laws are slanted more and more towards protecting the cowardly and the manipulative.  In other words, being that none of us has a policeman in our back pocket, when a situation requires that we “take the law into our own hands”, we are vilified, crucified, and in quite a few cases, we spend time in a prison cell.  This goes for defending our own life in our own house, in the street, in public places, and wherever else – you dare defend yourself and cause a badguy harm, and you’re screwed.  Meanwhile, when an innocent person dies at the hands of a lowlife, everybody is crying and saying how sorry they are that said lowlife murdered an innocent person.  Where are the laws, and where is the personnel, to protect us?  And, on the subject of defending our own life and/or well being, what’s worse, spending anywhere from 3 months to life in a prison cell, or being dead – is that even a choice we should be forced to make?

I’ve been hearing a lot lately, from the female population of the world, that Hollywood, along with printed media, is causing girls and women to have bad “self esteem”, by putting out an unrealistic standard for all to see, as in, “We can’t possibly compete with the 5’6”, 100 lb. model with the perfect figure, perfect face, and perfect skin”.  Well, same goes for the Chuck Norris syndrome – not to mention, if Mr. Norris were to handle a situation in a public place the way he did in any of his movies, he’d likely still be in a prison cell, or dead from gunshot.  I’m beginning to smell a conspiracy here.  It’s been said that almost 50% of the American population suffers from some degree of depression and anxiety.  How is this possible?  We’re all walking around with our heads all screwed up, making it damn near impossible to see what’s right in front of us, to deal with other everyday stresses and problems, and most of all, we can’t see what and who is causing most of the dissent in the world.  I don’t have answers, only observations.  I’m among the almost 50% that fights with depression and anxiety – not to mention my ongoing disgust and grief that is caused me by all the unfairness and injustice in the world.  From where I sit, there is but one thing left that the universe, the Powers That Be, has not been able to take from me – and that is my sense of self worth.  For whatever reason, I never doubt me, I deny nothing, I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, and I’m ok with all my shortcomings.  Oh yeah, and I sleep very well at night.

So, I continue to dread leaving my house, I dread getting in the car, I even dread getting on the internet – because I am so beat down from witnessing so much anger, hatred, unprovoked resentment, bullying, and other such violent behavior, while not being able to do a thing about it; and, while I watch the law continue to protect the cowardly and the dishonest.  Again, no answers, just observations.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

So, What Do We Do With The Rinds And Seeds?

There is nothing more negative than pretending that a problem doesn’t exist. To remedy a problem, you must first acknowledge it. With so many people hiding behind clever cliches, and grossly overused words such as“positive”, the problems of the world become exponentially worse.

We hear, “When we’re served lemons, make lemonade”. Ok, but what do we do with the rinds and seeds? What we’ve been doing is, we pretend they don’t exist, and the result is the ever expanding mountain of rinds and seeds, that is fermenting, and rotting everything around it. So, drink the lemonade and enjoy it, but we gotta quit ignoring the rest. We need to quit the cowardly practice of needing to be socially acceptable, we need to bring problems to light, and figure out what to do about them.

So, the next time you start pointing fingers at a person for mentioning a problem, or for showing his or her disgust, and before you start throwing around words and terms such as “Negative”, or, “Bad attitude”, think about what you’re saying, and think about what to do about a problem, instead of pretending it doesn’t exist; and instead of trying to squash the messenger.

One more thing, all the denying, excusing, defending, manipulating of facts, smartass retorts, and bullying in the world will not change the fact that problems exist, and that they need to be stated, acknowledged, and dealt with.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Lizards, Dragonflies, Mountain Lions, And Bears


Pat and Bill are my neighbors.  Bill is in his mid 70s, Pat in her late 60s, Pat works in the office, Bill is retired.  Every night at five o’clock, they go to the casino, they get their dinner, Pat spends an hour or so playing slot machines, while Bill sits in the sports bar section and watches whatever is on one of the 25+ tvs that are up on the wall.  Now, I’m not here to tell other people what and what is not good for them, it may sound like I’m going in that direction with this, but I’m actually here to make a different point.  For me, doing what Pat and Bill do would be a huge waste of time, it would not satisfy me, it would be a very short time before I would be very unhappy, bored out of my skull, and I would feel like I’m just doing, “Me, me, me”.  As for me, me, me, if there should ever come a time when I get to retire, where I have enough money to do what I want, I would still want to do something, or maybe more than one something, that would contribute matter or sound waves that is worthwhile to the universe – not necessarily to the human race, just to the universe.  While on that subject, anybody who has read more than one or two of my blog posts knows that I generally detest most people – with good reason – I have been cheated, lied to, exploited, taken advantage of, stolen from, and bullied in one way or another ever since I can remember.  I’m not speaking of the being pantsed and stuffed in a locker kind of bullied – I’m speaking of mostly workplace bullying  - where the typical pathetic little boss type feels the need to throw his or her “authority” around, and, I’m speaking of street bullying – being tailgated, huffed and puffed at in the grocery store line, and on occasion, having to confront some smartass, and subsequently being threatened by cops and/or lawyers.  There was even one occasion where I thought I killed a guy by belting him – and I only belted him once.  That was the scare of my life – I thought my life was over – that by biggest and longest running fear was finally coming to fruition – that I was going to spend the rest of my life in prison because some yellow bellied, bullying piece of human crap pushed me.  This kind of thing (bullying from parents, little league baseball coaches, high school basketball coaches, bosses, etc.) has been going on since I was eight years old – at least that’s as far back as I can remember.  So, hopefully you get my point – I generally detest most people.  There’s also the fact that I’ve seen the universe work against me in just about every way possible – stifling everything I’ve ever tried to do – seeing to it that everybody benefits from my hard work and abilities – except me.  That being said, I don’t know why I care even a tiny bit about doing something “good” for the universe.  Again, couldn’t care less about people, but on some level, I feel compelled to do something good for the universe.  At the top of my mind is this – that should I ever be able to do what I want, when I want, I would probably spend a good amount of time in some wooded area in Colorado, under a tree, playing my guitar or banjo for the lizards, the dragonflies, the mountain lions, the bears, and the trees.  This would of course, be somewhere where no human would know I was there, much less hear anything I was doing.  I would do this at my leisure – probably not every day, just when I felt like it.  I would be ok to do this until I no longer wanted to be in this life.  Even more ironic is the fact that I’ve thought about trying to get the message out to the world that we were being duped and royally screwed by the rich and the ruthless, that we’d better wake up, or our kids and grandkids will be fighting – literally – for their lives.  Again, I don’t know why I care.  I probably won’t do the latter, even if I do ever find myself on a platform that would enable me, I guess I don’t have the energy anymore.  I would, though, spend a lot of my time under the old trees, sending music out there for anything non human.  One of the many benefits of playing for animals and cactus plants – they wouldn’t be calling cops or management companies to shut me up.  I’ve actually had non humans come around on the rare occasion that I was able to play under the trees – mostly lizards and dragonflies, but I’ll take it.  Mountain lions, bears, deer, I’d play for any and all of ‘em, and the more the merrier.  And no, I’m not afraid of mountain lions or bears – I respect them, but I’m not afraid of them – and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be afraid of me.

There is the possibility that I would want to continue recording, and, while I cringe for saying this – selling my music, but I would do it when I damn well felt like it, and I would probably hire somebody to do all the bullshit – press kits, bios, marketing, and other such society and money related crap.  I hate the idea of selling my art in order to make a living, I hate it, but I do it because it’s the only way I know of to bring in any kind of income.  The Powers That Be have destroyed the music business as we knew it, and it’s been a rough road the past three years, so now I search for other music related avenues to muddle through.  On that subject, they’ve pretty much destroyed most businesses, along with many lives, families, and countries, but that’s a whole ‘nother.  For me, should there ever arrive a time when I can no longer play music, or hike out to a place where I can be free of intrusion by other humans, or I simply lose interest in making music altogether, I would definitely not want to be in this life anymore, and would happily lay down for eternity beside my proverbial little bucket.  If I cannot do something constructive, pleasant, or whatever else, then I don’t see any sense in being here.  I will never resort to spending all of my time doing mindless stuff -  you won’t find me in any casino, or playing some god awful, mind numbing video game, or sitting in front of a television set for more than an hour or two or three a week.  I may go out hiking if I’m able, but nobody will find me hovering over cheap, crappy entertainment.

So, if Pat and Bill are happy peeing money away in a casino – that’s up to them, and I’m not here to state how horrible that is, I’m only trying to make the point that that would never work for me.  And please, I’m also not here to profess to be some noble being, I’m just making an observation – that observation being that while I generally detest people, and while I don’t see the universe as having been all that kind or friendly to people like me, I still seem to, on some level, feel the need to do something “good” for the universe while I’m still here.  I can’t seem to state this without sounding “holier than thou”, so I’ll just write that off as my inability to express in a neutral, concise way what’s in my little brain.

So, should my CD bring me any kind of monetary compensation – enough so that I can have my own life, boy howdy will I ever have my own life – and I can guarantee there will be some really mad people should that ever happen – and that makes me happy.
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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Bye Maelee

That’s all, just wanted to say goodbye to a loving little cat.

G'night Maelee, Part II

This is Maelee back in 2009, before she learned what it was like to be outside.  She was a house cat until I came along :D .  She now loves being out in the fresh air and sunshine.

Maelee probably won’t make it through the night.  She doesn’t appear to be in any pain, or even any discomfort, she just looks to be very, very tired.  I took her some water a little while ago, I figured she was too tired to get it herself.  She drank, then went back to rest.  All she ever wanted was to be loved, get enough to eat, and go outside to enjoy the fresh air, sunshine, the sights and sounds.  She never cared about living forever, or taking what didn’t belong to her, or causing other animals or people grief or loss, never cared to hoard stuff, or to tell other animals what they could or could not do.  She lived in the moment, never giving a thought to what might or might not happen tomorrow, or what happened yesterday.  She is spending her last hours here with more grace, class, and dignity than most humans could ever have in their entire life.

Watching her has brought to mind how much I always detest all the unfairness, injustice, and other such disgusting human behavior, and how much I’ve always hated being here.  I never fit in, never cared about living forever, never cared to take what didn’t belong to me, never cared to cause other people grief.  Maelee is better than I am where she doesn’t give any of this stuff any thought.  She liked being here, she loved life, she loved people, she even liked to play with dogs – if they didn’t try to hurt her.  She wasn’t aware of any injustice, and never saw people as the greedy, self serving, psychotic asses that I see them as.
So, Maelee, I see you as better, smarter, and with leaps and bounds more class and grace than I could ever have – even though I seem to have spent my life without most of the disgusting human traits that turn my stomach every day of my life – that’s right, you’re better than I am, and I admire you.  Most of all, I love you, and I’ll miss you more than you know.
G’night Maelee, sleep tight.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Goodnight, Maelee, I'll Miss You More Than You Know

Maelee is dying.  The vet says she has some kind of kidney disease, and, is on the verge of diabetes.  She has a month or so before she is gone.  Now, how the hell does a five year old cat come down with kidney disease, and/or diabetes?  I believe it’s because of that crappy cereal we feed our animals, it contains stuff that cats are not supposed to eat – such as vegetables – cats are carnivores, that means they eat meat and fish, not rabbit food.  There’s also the fact that the crap that we buy in the stores is full of toxic drugs, which will deteriorate an animal's body in a relatively short time.  I've learned that Maelee is not alone, millions of domesticated animals are becoming victim to this barrage of B.S.  Before I go on, I’ll say that with very few exceptions, I’m much sadder when an animal goes through this than when a person does.  This cat just wanted to be loved, she lived to please people, she even liked to play with dogs – as long as the dog didn’t  try to hurt her.  She tried to understand what was said to her.  She never took off running when the door was opened, she would sit right there until her leash was put on, then she’d walk calmly outside, to be in the fresh air and sunshine, and to listen to all the sounds.  For the first three years of her life, she was in indoor cat (this was before I met her), but I taught her how to be outside.  At first, she was deathly afraid of the outdoors, but after a few times of being outside, she didn’t like to come back inside.  She would lay in the dirt, or the grass, and just watch and listen to everything, then get up, go explore a tree or a bush, or just some other part of the yard or lot.  She liked sleeping on the bed with people, she was just a peaceful spirited, loving cat.  And please, I’m not just saying these things because she’s dying, or because I love this cat, all of this is exactly as she is.
I also believe that the food industry is doing the same thing to humans – they are poisoning us, lying to use, sending their lobbyists to Congress to make laws to protect their ruthless bullshit.  When I was a kid, nobody was sick, nobody had diabetes, kidney disease, high cholesterol, liver dysfunction, heart problems, restless goddam leg syndrome, shingles, and nobody was obese.  You also had to know where the doctor’s office was, because you were not going to run across it just by driving around, as opposed to now, where there are hospitals, medical centers, and clinics everywhere – not to mention the huge medical complexes that have appeared out of nowhere – taking up numerous city blocks in every city in this once great country – and ya know what – they’re always full of people.
We go about our merry way, ignoring the bad, while Polly Want A Crackering crap such as, “Be positive, don’t focus on the bad”, “Look on the bright side”, “Only YOU control your destiny, your life”, “Everything that happens to you is of your own doing…”, and other such disturbing bullshit that is designed to keep us away from acknowledging the real problems, the real perpetrators.  As the Ultra Rich and the huge corporations continue to lie, cheat, and steal from every man, woman, and child on the planet, we continue to take the easy way out – by denying what is really going on, hiding behind all these clever cliches.  So, all you self serving asses, and you lazies who would rather defend the perpetrators (by proxy, and at the same time, defending your own greed and gross selfishness), the real criminals, while you watch Monday Night Football and drink Budweiser, I hope you sleep well – and that’s sarcasm, because I know that most people don’t sleep worth a damn – and ya know why – because a person’s degree of sleeplessness is directly proportional to his or her degree of pretentiousness and dishonesty.
So, g'night, all you self serving asses and useful idiots.  Maelee, I love you, and I'll miss you more than you know.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The Destruction Of America


I spent four days driving from Fort Worth, Texas to Reno, Nevada, just arrived here in Reno last night. I’ve made this trip three times now – over the past six months. One of the things that really saddens and disgusts me is the number of businesses that have had to shut down as a result of the Great Depression of 2010. A sad sight it is to see these small businesses boarded up, sometimes not even that, often just left for dead. The folks who owned those businesses had absolutely nothing to do with the current economic fiasco that has crippled the world since mid 2009. The fact is, none of us way down here near the bottom of the food chain had nothing to do with the current economic state of the world. These are folks who worked long and hard to earn the right to run their businesses, they created jobs for others in their community, they helped the economy, they helped youngsters put themselves through college, or saw them through working to save enough money to start their own businesses, encouraging them the whole way. The American way used to be, “Provide a product or service and charge a fair price”. Today it’s, “Do whatever it takes”, “Make that sale”, “You’re not out there to make friends, you’re out there to sell, sell, sell”, and the most obnoxious one of all, “Business is business”. What ever happened to community, or, “People are people”, what happened to helping each other, supporting each other, and doing whatever it takes to see any person who was willing to put in the time and effort succeed? Today it’s “Every man for himself”. It saddens me, but sickens me at the same time, to see such ruthlessness and inhuman behavior be so rampant. Even sadder is the fact that it’s not going to get better. As long as huge corporations are allowed to send their lobbyists to Congress to make more laws to make their devious tactics legal, as long as they are allowed to pay little or no taxes, as long as they are allowed to exploit their workers and cheat their customers, and as long as prices continue to far outrun wages, things will continue to get worse, not better. Things aren’t going to magically get better – no matter how much the Pop Psychology gurus tell us that we have control over our puny lives, as long as we are told to look at the good an ignore the bad, and as long as we are made to believe that we are to blame for all our misfortune, things will never get better. The only result of such disturbing nonsense is that we will continue to cultivate more and more angry, frustrated people, and for Criminy's sake, we don't have enough angry, frustrated people just yet. You want proof, just look around you. Any person who leaves his house to go to the store, to the gas station, or wherever else, will see the anger and frustration that has gripped so many people – all we have to do is look over in the next car, or the car behind us, in front of us. This is not the natural order of things, this whole worldwide scenario has been carefully planned and carried out by the Ultra Powerful – those who pretend not to exist, while they infinitely screw every man, woman, and child on the planet. If you think any of what I say is the least bit untrue, just look around your town, and you will see all the small business that have shut down over the past four or five years, having been replaced, or put out of business by some huge franchised chain store, restaurant, coffee shop, or manufacturing company; and, you'll see the results of the small businessman having to answer to grossly biased and paid for government regulation agencies.

All you hard working folks who owned businesses that have been shut down as a result of the horrible injustice that plagues the world as I write this, I salute you, and I wish for you to recover and rise up once again.

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Thursday, June 13, 2013

A Letter Regarding Depression and "Responsibility"

I wrote this letter to a friend a while back, it says, clearly, the way I see depression, and how it's dealt with, and the harm that is being caused to depressed people by false information.

I guess you and I are not quite on the same page as far as "responsibility" - that's ok, it's how I learn, and hopefully others may learn something from me. I think it's a great idea to try to take control of our future, and theoretically, it's nice to think that something will magically change if we go at it with a smile and a good attitude. The reality, though, is that that's not the way it works. My belief is that we are actually powerless to have any control over most things - and that should be validated, but, we should also be taught that that's life, that there will always be obstacles, and that we should learn from our past, our less than pleasant experiences, expect that there will be more obstacles, but that we must keep at it, find ways to break through them, hop over them, dig under them, or go around them. It would be a great thing if such people could get some kind of real world help - especially in a financial way, but that rarely happens - that's where humanity has broken down, so depression is always going to be a very difficult condition to remedy, if it can be truly remedied at all. Anyway, we need to be told that everything in life is an ongoing process, and whatever obstacle we are confronted with at any given moment is simply part of our path, our life. We can be told to take a step back when confronted with something that seems impossible, calm down, think, and maybe go at it a different way. Usually, though, what is told to us is that we somehow screwed up, and that our "failure" is our own fault. It's been parroted that, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result" - well, nothing could be further from the truth - that could easily be translated to, "If you try something a couple of times and it doesn't bring you the results you want, then give it up and do something else" - not necessarily good advice. Most artists who "succeed" tried the same thing hundreds of times before they got a result that they were after. There are situations where such a statement could apply, but more often than not, it will only be confusing - keeping in mind, we are dealing with a person who is already having trouble dealing with life. When dealing with a person who is depressed, a therapist must realize that most depression is caused by the following things, and I speak from first hand experience. First, he or she sees the world, the universe, and people, as constantly working against him, and that that unseen and unexplainable force is relentless. Also, we see people who do not earn anything have things fall right into their lap - we see this as "luck". Last but not least, we see the world, mostly people - as hostile - and again, endlessly so. The sad truth is, there is such a thing as luck, we are surrounded by the sneaky, the cowardly, and the lazy, who always seem to land on their feet, always seeming to have someone there to catch them, bail them out, care about them, and worst of all, that the unseen forces of the universe seem to always come to their rescue. Also, while we may understand that a certain "successful" person may have worked hard to get where he is, there are thousands of others who worked just as hard if not harder, but did not have the luck factor, and subsequently are not getting the results they are striving for. Once again, we see this as the universe relentlessly working against us, and against decent, hard working people. It doesn't help when we hear Bill O'Reilly, Rush, Hannity, and other right wing extremist idiots and their parrots telling us that if we are poor, that we chose that life, that all we are in this world for is to sit around with our hand out wanting more "stuff" for free. There is an infinity of such clever cliches - all designed to belittle any person who does not achieve certain positions in society, and/or a certain amount of dollar signs attached to his rear end. On the subject of hostility, something I've recently given a lot of thought to is that there are certain things that are built in at the atomic level - things such as the way matter attracts matter, but then after a certain amount of time, starts to repel. We perceive this as age. There are other phenomenon that occur. One is that there is an energy field that with most life forms (including animate and inanimate objects), the energy field moves in a certain direction. With some people, and some inanimate life forms, this energy field moves in a different direction, so, when a person has that condition, he will repel other life forms (animate and inanimate) whose energy field is moving in the more common direction. The result is that people like me feel unwelcome in the world, we see that most things (what we perceive as "the universe"), and most people work against us - with no explainable, visible, or tangible reason. Of course, people who do not experience such a thing will never acknowledge such a thing, and will usually belittle a person who lives in that world - very harmful. In my experience, I've had people, more times than I can begin to count, be hostile at me before they even see my face - while others seem to attract the good side of the same person who was just nasty to me seconds earlier. I'm not sure yet about much beyond what I already said on that subject, but I think such people (whose energy field moves in the opposite direction of most) have other abilities - abilities that can propel us into things that most do not comprehend (not necessarily better or worse, just different, unconventional) - if we have the good fortune to discover that, and what to do with it. Some such people have achieved great things, but most end up depressed, homeless, in prison, and/or dead way before their time - because society does not accept such people unless they do achieve something "great". I personally know a few such people in my own life. What I've arrived at is that what we humans do here is important, and we should take our ego out of the equation. In a few thousand years, nothing we do will matter, much less be known about, and when this solar system explodes, nothing we do will ever be known by any other life form. In our society, with all the B.S. that is fed to us, most cannot handle that idea - still another sad reality. We should be decent, and we should contribute something good to the world - but because we want to, and definitely not because we fear laws, karma, or some cartoon character sitting up there in the sky who would send us to an eternal "hell" should we not live up to certain expectations. Another thing I learned - from Buddhist teachings, is that when we start to head towards true "enlightenment", we learn to abandon excessiveness. Humans, being in the current society that we're in, we are taught the opposite - that more is better, the more digits we have in our online bank statements, and the more stuff we have, the better person we are - and if I may say - what a bunch of flaming bullshit. So, with a depressed person, we need to be validated, but then taught that we can learn from our path - and it is simply a path - not good or bad, just a path full of occurrences. Yes, some things are less pleasant than others, but again, that's one of the things that is built in at the sub atomic level, and it's just the way it is. There are other factors that contribute to depression - such as the fact that most people are not ok with who or what they are - that's a big one. Such a person needs to be told that pretentiousness is not a good thing, and will never bring good results. The mediocre must learn to be ok with being mediocre, the slow need to learn to be ok with being slow, and people who have bigger goals, and subsequently bigger obstacles, must be ok with whatever happens to them as a result of striving for unconventional things. We must be aware of our virtues, as well as our shortcomings, and we must wear it all proudly. I'm amazed at how many people are not ok with who or what they are - they will deny, bully, lie, attack, and whatever else - in order to defend against a person who is observing and stating a less than flattering truth. Denial, suppression of any kind - will more often than not, manifest itself in some physical way at some point in such a person's life. This is only part of the equation, but these are the things that I've observed, and they are things that need to be addressed.

Back on the subject of money for just a short minute - should I ever make a bunch of money, people who have helped me (including you) will benefit tenfold. I'll make sure my son is set up for the rest of his life, and the rest of my money I'll give it away. When some hotshot investment broker comes knocking on my door, wanting me to invest my money in his brother in law's latest scam, I'll laugh in his face, tell him to take a hike, but not before I show him where all my money will go - which is to underpriviledged people, starving and/or injured animals, and wherever else I see fit - making sure that no person or company (including the government) that uses their money and power to screw with people gets their hands on a dime of it. While it would bring me great satisfaction to have these things happen to me, should it not happen, I'll be ok with it. I'm pretty sure though, that at least one of my current projects will bring me some decent money - it would have been great to have had the means to do them sooner, but that not being the case, I'm working now on doing them before too long.

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Monday, May 20, 2013

The Human Virus

Today a monster tornado leveled the town of Moore, Oklahoma, killing at least 50 people.  I’ve said this many times over the past few years, and I’ll say it again – humans are wreaking destruction on the planet with their incessant greed and ruthlessness.  It’s of course, mostly the ultra powerful who are guilty, with the general public contributing their filth – on smaller scale, but still contributing.  Well, the earth, also as I’ve said many times, is a living organism, and it is fighting back.  We humans behave in precisely the same way as a virus.  If we are left unchecked, we would surely destroy the planet.  Well, Earth is doing what it should do, and if it were up to me, Earth would destroy the human race – and sooner than later.  I frown with disgust when I see what the ultra powerful do, but that doesn’t leave out the general public –as I’ve seen regular people show gross disrespect for the planet, for animals, for other humans.
It remains to be seen – whether humans will destroy the planet, or the planet will destroy humans, I vote for the latter.

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Sunday, May 19, 2013

Tim McGraw TV Special

I watched the Tim McGraw special tonight. First, it reeked of desperation. Guests included Bulldog, or Pitbull, something like that, some rapper, and some R & B singer. Also John Fogerty. I guess being that country music is not selling (except for Taylor Swift, who is selling like no tomorrow), they need to do something. So, they try to get the Rap listeners, the R & B listeners, Taylor Swift’s listeners, and the old rockers (Fogerty’s crowd) to buy into “New Country”. I got news for those crooked country record executives – it ain’t gonna work – hasn’t before, and ain’t gonna now. This show contained the usual ass kissing, phoniness, B.S. statements, fireworks, flashing lights, and funky, so called “Country Music”. Funny, I didn’t hear a country song the whole night – not a single one.

Monopolism, Buddyism, Conflict Of Interest, False Advertising – all of which are against the law, as they should be (I guess buddyism isn’t against the law, but it should be), but not enforced. Country music hasn’t been selling since the late 80s, and there’s a reason for that – it’s because the music and the artists that mainstream radio and the record companies (owned and operated by Billboard – breaking just about every law on the books) is horrid. One of the things I enjoy most in life is justice – and the fact that these corrupt music giants are losing their foothold in the music business makes me very happy.
There was a time when I got a good feeling from at least some of the music that was presented by the major record companies – it’s been a while – maybe 30 years or so. Well, just about everything I heard on that sorry TV show tonight made my skin crawl.
Why do I watch this stuff, you ask? Well, because when I’m asked what I think of “New Country” music, I like to have an educated answer. So, good riddance to mainstream radio, and the major country music record companies – for all intents and purposes, their dynasty is all but dead.

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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Matter, Life, And The Pitiful Human Ego

Hey, I Think I See Me

Matter as we know it consists of atoms – arranged in certain ways so that they make up forms – rocks, rivers, stars, puppies, humans, and everything in between.  I don’t really see life as having a beginning and end, I only see the rearranging of matter.  Example:  Your pet hamster dies, you bury it in the back yard, and sometime over the next few years, the atoms that formed that little piece of life will be used for something else – a flower to bloom, a worm to have lunch, or a raindrop to form.  For me, “Life” is just a label that we put on our time in the current state of existence.  I guess all animate life has an ego, it wants to perpetuate its genes, reproduce, and some go so far as to desire eternal life in its immediate form.  I don’t know that a pebble wants to live forever, being that I cannot communicate with it, or see its body language or mannerisms, but my guess is that on some level, as with all matter, it wants to continue in its current state, it wants to continue being a pebble.  Other life forms are more obvious – a tree puts out spores or seeds, a dinosaur finds a mate and hatches little dinosaurs (well, they did until their life form ceased to exist for whatever reason) and humans and cockroaches make babies faster than we can count.  I believe that all life forms – both animate and inanimate - meaning everything that is made up of atoms – has the desire to live - or continue in its current state of being.  The human, having the spec of intelligence and ability to reason that it does, has an overinflated ego as one of its peripheral properties – causing it to want to live on forever, to produce as many offspring as possible, and to continue to dominate and pathologically control the world it lives in.  Some of us are constantly looking for other worlds, other planets that might be able to sustain human life, or possibly be manipulated into doing so.  Some of the places are geographically light years away.  I believe that the rearranging of atoms is a natural cycle that will happen, no matter what any life form wishes – no matter how much we fight it, try to prevent it, or try to deny it.  There will come a time when there will no longer be a human race, cockroaches, Earth, sun, or even our mighty galaxy.  I believe that this cycle is somehow built in at the atomic, or even the sub atomic level – as is gravity, magnetism, and other phenomenon that we may or may not understand.
Ok, now here’s something I’ve not heard in any documentaries, or printed media, that I need to talk about.  If nothing external comes along and makes the earth uninhabitable by humans, then our gene pool will eventually deteriorate, and we will be gone.  The “Gene pool will deteriorate?”, you ask.  Well, yes, this is common knowledge and is proven by every instance of incest that occurs in the world as we know it.  There are certain areas of our planet that were and/or have been isolated for so many years that the local population either disappeared or was severely damaged.  At some point we will all be marrying our cousins, brothers, and sisters, it’s inevitable.  It is, of course, possible that before that time comes, the planet will be rendered uninhabitable by life as we know it – by some external force – a giant asteroid, a freak explosion on the sun, or even the human race having polluted the planet to the point where life can no longer exist, or, the earth raging against and destroying the virus known as the human race.

It’s also possible that a new, more intelligent life form may appear.  If so, being that it is not possible for a human to mate with an ape and reproduce, it stands to reason that if there are any humans still in existence if or when a new life form appears, that it will not be possible for us to mate with that life form either – in fact, we probably won’t even be able to communicate with it – that’s again of course, if any humans even still exist.

What is this stuff about the universe constantly expanding?  There’s also the theory that the galaxies are closing in on each other?  So, which is it, and how can anyone know these things?  I guess they don’t, they are nothing more than unproven theories.  I don’t know that there is an end to the universe – either timewise or spacewise.  We’re too puny to know such a thing, or to even venture a guess.  This brings me back to the human ego, which again, causes many of us want to live forever, some to pass on their genes in hopes that their family line can be perpetuated till infinity, and to have the need to control anybody and anything in its line of sight.  Many of us think that we should defy nature, alter our genes, invade other worlds, carry on in our current state till the end of time (that’s of course, a figure of speech).  Lucky for the universe that it has the built in atomic map, where the elements feel the need to spread out and do other things – build other worlds, become other forms of life.  Maybe they do the same as we do – they simply get bored after a few million years or so, and need to move on.  Whatever the case, nothing stays as it is indefinitely, there will come a time when human, earth, and sun will disintegrate, and its building blocks will be blasted into deep space.  It will land somewhere, congregate somewhere, and new worlds and life forms will be created.
When it’s my time to contribute my little atomic legos to the universe, so that they may become something else, I will welcome it; I mean hell, I’m 57, and I’m bored now, I can’t imagine what I’ll be like when I’m 70 or beyond.
So, folks, if I have any advice to offer, it’s to get over yourselves.  We are just passing through, we are nothing more than atoms arranged in a particular way to make us what we are, and at some point in time, the giant atomic transporter will break us down and rearrange our particles somewhere else.  That’s not to say we shouldn’t value our lives, and make the best of the time that we are here, I’m only saying we need to be reasonable, and not be so damn selfish.
See y’all on the next plane (of existence).

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