First is society, and its distorted definitions of "Truth", and of "Courage". We, as little American children, have been conditioned to be "Tough". Talk about distorted definitions. "Tough" has been defined as being belligerent, aggressive, stubborn, possessive, controlling, and bullying. Consequently, 90% of the population, both male and female, walk around with their chests puffed out, feeling the need to prove how "Tough" they are. Well, that's ass backward. I believe that life is not about being tough, life is about being kind, compassionate, generous, and caring, in the face of all the horrible things that go on. A person who has been violated as a child - mostly before the age of ten, can do one of two things with the experience of being violated. One, he can go out and do the same to all his surrogates - in other words, punish every person he crosses paths with, OR, he can go out and be kind and caring. The former will bring nothing but more grief - for himself and for most who he comes in contact with. This person will always feel the need to elevate himself, by his attempts to establish superiority, his efforts to belittle others, his belligerent behavior, and his otherwise mean spiritedness. He tends to be controlling and vindictive, and never treating his significant other (or any person, for that matter), as an equal - always needing to be in control, telling her what to wear, who she can talk to, how long she can take to make the trip to the grocery store, or "One upping" at all times. To be clear, this is not only the case with the male being the abuser, it happens also with the female being the abuser. Add to that, when the person on the receiving end stands up against the abuser, the abuser will always play the victim - needing to convince himself as well as any other that he is being attacked for no apparent reason. Physical violence often ensues, not with the absence of verbal attacks, belittling, cheap insults, and in the case where the female is the abuser, she will almost always attempt to emasculate the male.
In this case, I see the cause as being beyond obvious. There have been many articles written, mostly hidden, but still written. There are schools of thought that are right in line with my set of beliefs. My belief is that in the case of such individuals, something happened to them before the age of ten, something traumatic, something such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse - and must have been going on for a period of time. I don't believe that one isolated situation will cause the crack in the mind that occurs when a person is violated over periods of time - it's possible, but not likely. The result of being violated as a child is that the person will reach adulthood, feeling the need to punish surrogates - any person who represents the violator. This (the violator) can be a relative, friend of the family, teacher, coach, or a total stranger. The surrogate can be any person that the victim crosses paths with - usually, though, significant others. Often times it can be siblings, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, etc. The punishment can be in many forms. It can be subtle verbal digs, less than subtle insults, attempts at belittling, aggression, as well as the many other forms of bullying. The person will not be honest about any of his or her faults, always needing to shift blame onto the person they are attacking. They employ all the telltale tactics - the anger card, playing the victim, threats, indignation, and escalated bullying. Most of today's "Therapies" will try to alter the symptoms, rather than deal with the actual problem. The aggression, the belittling, the bullying, those are all symptoms, and what you cannot do is tell the person to redirect his anger, his reactions to being aggressed against, you cannot simply make emotions go away, you cannot "Create a new pathway for actions", as "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy", and "Mindfulness" dictate. Dealing with the underlying problem is the only way to truly treat the person. The answer is simple. First, we have been conditioned to believe that if anything happens to us, is because we asked for it, and that we were weak, that we were cowardly for allowing it to happen. Well, BULLSHIT. A child of ten or under, who is violated by a full grown adult is not weak, and he is not by any means a coward. The weak one, the coward, is the full grown adult who violated a child, a defenseless child. A ten year old will not even know what the hell is going on when he or she is sexually assaulted, physically assaulted, or verbally/emotionally assaulted, and will not have the slightest idea of how to deal with it, much less be able to defend himself against it - against a full grown adult. Again, the weak one, the coward, is the full grown adult who assaulted a child. With all these new so called "Therapies", we have exponentially more depression, anxiety, and other mental and emotional disorders, as well as more delusional people, more mental illness, more psychosis, more overall anger, and more rage. That, right there, is my proof that modern therapies do not work, in fact, I think they do more to make the problems much worse than they do to help. Then, on top of all that, everywhere you look - TV, radio, printed media, peers, they all parrot what they were conditioned to believe. We are constantly bombarded by lies and half truths. Speaking of bullies, if you haven't already been to a therapist who belongs to any of these modern "Therapies", try visiting one, observe the bullying, observe the dictatorial behavior, the way the therapist will shut you down the instant you start to describe what happened to you - they do not want to hear it, they will say, "It's not helpful". They believe that suppressing your emotions IS helpful, and let me tell you, that is the WORST thing you can do to yourself - suppress your emotions. My belief is that once you've realistically dealt with the actual problem the symptoms will go away by themselves - you will not have to "Let it go", or "Just get over it".
Next, distortions of truth: Western society has bastardized the definition of "Coward". There's the "Tail between the legs", which any dictionary has claimed as part of the etymology of the word. Well, again, BULLSHIT. Every person is afraid of something. So, who gets to define the difference between being afraid of something, and being a coward? For me, a coward is a the person who finds, manufactures, or discovers a weapon to hide behind, while he or she uses that to cause grief and loss for other people, to belittle, antagonize, and emasculate others. To clarify, being afraid of something does NOT make you a coward. Saying again, it takes courage to be kind to people in the face of all the horrible things that go on in the world, it takes courage to be generous, caring, while seeing that most people are none of these things. I always offer a high level of respect to any person I cross paths with - until given a reason not to, at which time I will do my best to get as far away from as possible. If the person persists, and there is nothing else to do, then by all means, defend yourself, just be careful. Such people do not go out in the world being belligerent while being unarmed. Many carry guns, knives, tasers, and many will have their lawyers on speed dial. There are surveillance cameras every ten feet, and judges who do not like a person "Taking the law into his or her own hands". So, again, be careful. Also, remember that if Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, or Superman were to deal with situations in real life the way they do on scripted television shows, they would be in prison for a long time. For the record, such movies and TV send the wrong message, and have caused many a little American boy to grow up to be a frustrated and enraged adult who will sport all the signs of being such - the big, noisy automobiles, the defacing of the body, the passive/aggressive demeanor and actions. So, keep in mind that being afraid of something does not make you a coward - being belligerent makes you a coward. You can rid yourself of such actions if you are honest - to be discussed below.
We are taught to be "Honest", but we are not taught what that entirely means. We all know that we should not attack an old woman and steal her purse, and that it's wrong to break into someone's house and steal their belongings, and/or to hurt people. But, when it comes to things of the heart, most people are as dishonest as the day is long. Most people will deny the less than pleasant occurrences in the world, they will hide, minimize, even defend it. They will defend and deny their own actions. Once again, we are conditioned to not talk about the less than pleasant - we are told that we should be thankful for all that we DO have, that the bad things should be ignored. Well, for the third time, BULLSHIT. Ignoring bad people, ignoring bad behavior, ignoring unpleasant situations, only serves to allow them to fester, for bad people to continue to get away with bad behavior. That's not to say we should complain just for the sake of complaining, but we should try to start the discussion, and ultimately try to remedy the situation. Being silent will never bring about a good result - or any result at all. This boils over into the realm of "Negative". For me, there is nothing more negative than being dishonest. If you pretend that things are peachy when they're not, you are being dishonest. If you pretend your life is wonderful when it's not, you are being dishonest. If you refrain from pointing out evil because you're afraid people will not like you, or that people will call you negative - you are being dishonest. If you attack a person, then cry victim when that person reacts in a way the you do not approve of, you are being dishonest. In order to remedy a problem, you must first acknowledge it. If it's something of yours, you must first own up to it. Don't be afraid to put the responsibility where it belongs - as opposed to where society would like it to be. Keep in mind that everything that happens to you is NOT your fault. The things you are responsible for, be responsible for them, but do not accept blame for things you had no control over, things that other people created.
Back on the subject of "Courage" for a minute. Courage is what it takes to face the harsh realities of life without denying, without numbing your brain with substances such as alcohol or drugs, Courage is facing the harsh realities of life without believing in magic - things such as good luck charms, superstitions, and of imaginary friends sitting up there in the sky on golden thrones, behind pearly gates. There is obsessive gambling, obsessive shopping, and obsessive eating - none of which will do one bit of good for you. There is no fat gene, no lazy gene, and no diabetes gene - just habits and actions. Life just happens as it happens, and it is up to us to deal with it the best way we know how. One thing for sure, if you have the crack in your mind that is created by being violated as a child, you will be unable to be happy, unable to function in a healthy way, unable to be in stable, healthy relationships - such things are difficult enough as it is. Saying once again, in order to fix the crack in your mind, embrace the fact of who was the weak, cowardly one when you were violated as a child - you were not weak, you were not a coward, YOU WERE A LITTLE KID.
So, being honest, being positive, being courageous - these things should be defined, but they are not. I'm sure this is no accident, being that the Powers That Be do not want healthy people, they want subjects, they want lifetime customers, they want that revenue. There will always be bad people, best to avoid them when possible, fight them when necessary, and use any platform at your disposal to point out the evils of the world - without simply being a chronic complainer. Look for remedies, look to comfort those who fall victim to the evils of the world. Embrace what happens to you - even the less than pleasant - all of it is part of life. Don't fear death - death is part of life - respect it, but don't be afraid of it. Don't let your ego dictate how you live, and don't go around thinking that the universe cannot go on without you or your bloodline. Value life, but don't be obsessed with it. Strive to live a healthy life, and not necessarily a long life. Allow other people to live the way they see fit, as long as they are not intruding on, or hurting others. And, most of all, be honest.
All for now.
