The Abuser

I'm very happy to finally be away from the ex.  It was like prison.  I didn't even realize that she had taken my ability to even have thoughts about things to do, took my motivation.  Now that I'm away from her, I have all kinds of things I plan to do, some of which I'm doing as I write this.  Being with an abusive person is complicated, often times, we don't even realize we're being abused.  I sat around doing nothing for the most part of the past 7-1/2 years - which is very much not me; but I allowed it, and didn't even begin to realize it.  I did what she wanted - which was to sit there and rot - like what she was doing.  I'm not ready to lay down and die just yet, I have things I want to do.  So, those of you who are in an abusive relationship, in a relationship where you are not allowed to be yourself, where you have been robbed of your soul, your sense of self, your motivation, get out.  Many times, getting out of an abusive relationship is difficult, you have much to unravel, but, unravel it.  You'll have to plan, put the plan into action, and wait for the result.  Don't let the person further manipulate you, because they will damn sure try.  One thing for sure, you do not deserve to be another person's slave, you deserve respect, and you deserve to be who you are.  If you're an honest, kind person, and that is being taken advantage of, it's being used against you, the only way you will ever be you, the only way you'll ever get your life back, is to get as far away from the abusive person as possible, and learn from the situation you're in.  In my situation, there really is no help, I'm the guy, I'm expected to do whatever it takes to escape an abusive situation, I shouldn't be in an abusive relationship to begin with.  But, there is help for abused women, take full advantage of that if at all possible.  You may not know for sure that you are being abused, especially if the abuse is mostly verbal and emotional.  If you are being belittled, insulted, controlled in any way, it's likely you are being abused.  I know, it's difficult, and it can be complicated.  Abusers are very good at manipulating another person's mind.  If you even think you may be in an abusive relationship, take a step back, look at your life, take a good, honest look at yourself, and at the other person, and get help in assessing everything if you can.  Saying again, to drive the point home - abusers are very good at manipulating another person's mind.  Also keep in mind, an abusive person will do ANYTHING to keep you under their control, and they are vindictive and vengeful, so when you are in the process of getting out, be damn careful, watch your back, don't assume that the person is to be trusted, that he or she will not do something life threatening.

You deserve respect, and sometimes you'll have to work damn hard to get it.