I was just watching a TV show, where a couple of the characters mentioned "Dreams". Following dreams, going for it, and all. Well, I guess I've followed mine for most of my life. Music has always just been who I am. It's the only thing I know how to do, and for the most part, the only thing I enjoy anymore, although, not like I did 3 and 40 years ago. I've now been at it for 46 years, and yes, I'm tired, in fact, I'm beyond tired. It's not the music that I'm tired of, it's all the horrible stuff that goes along with it. I'm not sure I want to reiterate any of it, at least not at this moment. I've also had the depression gene for most of my life - since I was 12 or 13 - that I'm aware of, and probably well before that. Here lately, I've thought many times about checking out. I'm not sure how much of it is depression, and how much of it is just that I don't want to see where all of this stuff goes - all that's going on in the world - how all these horrible people are doing such horrible things to us everyday people. The poisoning of our air, water, and food, the massive burning down of the planet, the pathological need to control and surveil all of us. It's sickening. I figure my life is just about over anyway, so no big deal if I head out a little before nature does it for me. Music doesn't bring me the thrill anymore - hasn't for decades. Nasty people have pretty much taken that away. I've put together around 150 music videos over the past 3 years or so - where I play all the instruments, do all the singing, and all the production. As has been the case for longer than I care to think about, Google, YouTube, and Facebook have all been shadow banning me, and otherwise screwing with me, punishing me, doing their best to hide me, and to destroy me. I guess that's a big part of why I'm so tired. Nashville has locked me out since the 80s. I won't, right now, go into how big a mess Nashville is, but it kinda goes along with how much of a mess the rest of the world is - how a bunch of sociopaths are running things - have been for decades - as has also been the case with all the big corporations. There's on the other hand, the thought that I can't have come this far for nothing - only for it to end with me being tired, and saying the hell with it, and dropping dead. At the risk of sounding like a conceited ass, I don't know of a whole lot of people in the world who can play nine instruments - and play them as decently as I do. You can see the videos for yourself - they're listenable. The platforms I have them on - Facebook and YouTube, well, that's pretty much a dead end, being that what I said before, that I'm being shadow banned to beat hell, with only a small limited number of people being able to see my videos. I had thought, a couple years ago, about going to Nashville once again. But, after having been there several times over the years, there's nothing there, no people, no real goal, no chance of having numbers of people to see what I do. So, it's seems all the avenues have been carefully barricaded. I do have the one original song of mine in that movie, Lilo And Stitch (The 2005 version). I learned a while back that in the US, movie theaters don't pay royalties for music being in movies. I do, though, understand that in the 200 other countries that play these movies, they do pay a royalty. What the numbers are, nobody seems to know. I've gotten the user fee from Disney, and two small royalty payments for streaming plays, but no real money. I've been thinking that if I do get some substantial amount of money from the foreign royalties, maybe I can retire, because that's really what I'd like to do. The thought of going into these restaurant/bars, putting up with management and their ego driven bs, is something I really dread doing - every time I have to go out to play. The chance that any music video of mine would go viral is pretty much zero - for reasons already stated. So, with not much hope of anything substantial happening, I really don't want to stay here any longer than I need to.
I guess I'll just stop here for now. If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time.
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