As Usual, I Lost

I’ve been on the receiving end of bullies from fucking hell since 2006.  That's not something I'm cryng about, it's just a reality - as a result of things I had absolutely nothing to do with.  It amazes me how sadistic and vindictive so many people can be – especially when they have the upper hand.  You know what’s even more funny – the fact that these are all full grown adults, not kids in middle school or grade school – but full grown but pathetic adults.

I’ve been doing everything humanly possible to get my life back – ever since I got back to the States in 2009 – after a horrible 3-1/2 years in the third world country known as Peru.  I have music that has been accepted by Pandora, the songs have been there for a couple of months.  Of course, it takes time (months) for it to get heard, then more time (more months) to get into the payout system.  In short, I think the clock won.  I have held my tongue while being sniped at, bossed, corrected, and bullied to beat hell for the most part of the past five years.  I realize that cheap insults say everything about the insulter, and nothing about the insultee, and that has kept me from firing back most of the time.  The handful of times when I did fire back, it’s “Ok, then get the fuck out…”.  If I dare to stand up for myself, dare to state my differing opinion, dare to defend my position, and it’s, “Ok, then GET THE FUCK OUT”.  I’ve been treated by somebody who claims to care about me – treated worse than some people treat their dog.  I’ve said many times, financial “support” does not entitle a person to abuse anyone, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be THANKFUL for being beat up on whenever a person feels the need to beat up on somebody.  I’ve always felt for the women who were forced to endure this kind of thing, but even moreso now that I’ve lived it – and to think it’s the woman doing the abusing, threatening, and bullying, with not a goddam thing I can do about it.  I don’t care about all the macho bullshit that gets spread around, because there are certain realities that are present, and all the badass speak in the world will not change it.  Oh yeah, and I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, gamble, mess around, or spend money frivolously, and I do many things to contribute in whatever ways possible.  I’ve always managed to keep my head, except for the few times I had to back some belligerent, bullying ass off of me – after being pushed and pushed and pushed.

Should I succeed in getting a decent income before I end up being thrown out into the street, then great, but it’s possible, probably even likely, that it will not go that way.  Should it not, I won’t be sad about it, but after everything else the universe, with the help of boatloads of cowardly, vindictive people, has done to me, I will not be tossed out into the street.  Should this bully from hell wreak her revenge by tossing me out, then the Powers That Be will have one less insolent to deal with, and let me tell you, I won’t miss this sadistic place one tiny bit.