The Abuser

I'm very happy to finally be away from the ex.  It was like prison.  I didn't even realize that she had taken my ability to even have thoughts about things to do, took my motivation.  Now that I'm away from her, I have all kinds of things I plan to do, some of which I'm doing as I write this.  Being with an abusive person is complicated, often times, we don't even realize we're being abused.  I sat around doing nothing for the most part of the past 7-1/2 years - which is very much not me; but I allowed it, and didn't even begin to realize it.  I did what she wanted - which was to sit there and rot - like what she was doing.  I'm not ready to lay down and die just yet, I have things I want to do.  So, those of you who are in an abusive relationship, in a relationship where you are not allowed to be yourself, where you have been robbed of your soul, your sense of self, your motivation, get out.  Many times, getting out of an abusive relationship is difficult, you have much to unravel, but, unravel it.  You'll have to plan, put the plan into action, and wait for the result.  Don't let the person further manipulate you, because they will damn sure try.  One thing for sure, you do not deserve to be another person's slave, you deserve respect, and you deserve to be who you are.  If you're an honest, kind person, and that is being taken advantage of, it's being used against you, the only way you will ever be you, the only way you'll ever get your life back, is to get as far away from the abusive person as possible, and learn from the situation you're in.  In my situation, there really is no help, I'm the guy, I'm expected to do whatever it takes to escape an abusive situation, I shouldn't be in an abusive relationship to begin with.  But, there is help for abused women, take full advantage of that if at all possible.  You may not know for sure that you are being abused, especially if the abuse is mostly verbal and emotional.  If you are being belittled, insulted, controlled in any way, it's likely you are being abused.  I know, it's difficult, and it can be complicated.  Abusers are very good at manipulating another person's mind.  If you even think you may be in an abusive relationship, take a step back, look at your life, take a good, honest look at yourself, and at the other person, and get help in assessing everything if you can.  Saying again, to drive the point home - abusers are very good at manipulating another person's mind.  Also keep in mind, an abusive person will do ANYTHING to keep you under their control, and they are vindictive and vengeful, so when you are in the process of getting out, be damn careful, watch your back, don't assume that the person is to be trusted, that he or she will not do something life threatening.

You deserve respect, and sometimes you'll have to work damn hard to get it.

Underground Country Music, Anyone?

As my here in Lake Tahoe hopefully gets short, thoughts appear - things I want to do once I can head out.

The thing that came to mind just a few minutes ago is that I would like to find some kind of underground country music community.  If such a community exists, it would likely be in Nashville.  There has got to be a circle of folks who can actually play an sing - of a caliber that is not at the horrid low that is the standard in Nashville's mainstream, and in all local venues found in cities and town - there very few that are left, anyway.  This includes what's on the radio, what's being signed by the "Majors", what's on streaming music sites.  I'm sure such a group will not be readily out there where just anybody can find it, so I figure if there is such a bunch of people, it won't be easy to find.  My fantasy is that there are people who can actually play and sing, and where egos are not part of any of the equations.  Egos in this business have been a large contributor to the deterioration of the music biz - from top to bottom.  Remember the days when there were bars, restaurants, dance halls, and other venues where live music flourished?  Well, as we all know, such places are a thing of the past - mostly because the "Majors" have conditioned people to listen to shit, and shit will never be good for business.  Up here in South Lake Tahoe, there are a few places to play, but most of them require the musician to be of the lowest caliber possible.  You can take a look at my previous articles - it explains that a in a little more detail.  In most cities and towns, the very few live music venues are hoarded up by the Ted Kennedys of the world (speaking of the Ted Kennedy who is trying to get total control of the music circuit in Tahoe - and not the now deceased Liberal Democrat ex senator from the upper East Coast).  If you're any good, forget about it, you'll have to get some kind of day job, because Ted will do ANYTHING to lock you out.  And, even if you do manage to get in, it's not ok that he pays $10 an hour.

I digress, sorry.

I would think that such a community does exist, and is probably fairly well guarded, as I'm sure they don't want every Tom, Dick, and Harry to come waltzing in there with their half assed playing and singing, and their pathetic egos.  It would make my year if there are players out there who are at least at my level, and better.  It's no fun playing with people who can't play their way out of a wet paper bag, and you don't learn anything from them - except maybe what NOT to do; but I already know what not to do, and I've never cared to do any of it anyway.  I won't know where to begin to look for such a group, I guess just start asking around.  I'll of course, check the underground entertainment papers, but again, I'm sure they don't make it a habit of blurting out the fact that they exist, or where to find them.  Maybe there'll be some kind of coded message, guess I'll see.  I'd experienced the "Open Mic" venues when I was in Nashville 4 or 5 years ago - those places are a joke, and the people who attend them are definitely not going to be part of anything worth associating with.

I wait for my shirts to arrive.  They were promised 4 - 8 weeks from the time I paid and put in my order, it's been almost four months, and still no sign of them - just justifications, excuses, and turnabout from the guy in charge of the factory.  I've been trying to contact other factories, both American and foreign, but so far, none of them have gotten back to me.  I don't mind living in my car if the time is reasonable, but it's gotten way beyond that now.

I just landed four shifts a week (starting next week) at Gunbarrel for the summer, which will bring me some decent income for a while, most of which I will spend on advertising for my clothing line.  I am, though, hoping I won't have to be here for the whole summer, once I have my heart set on moving on, I'm ready to do it yesterday.  It will all work out, though.  One of the things I need a little time to do is to get my new guitar effects unit programmed to where my guitars and fiddle sound the way I want them to sound.  If I am going to be around players of a high caliber, I don't want to show up with an inferior sounding guitar rig, and have to be piddling with it, I need to be ready, SO, I'll spend as much time here as I need to in order to get my system sounding prime.  I also take my Martin to Van Sickle park and sing all my old country songs - for fun, and, to have them ready for when I show up with real players and singers, and possibly others in other parts of the business.  I would love to have my banjo playing somewhat up to par by the time I leave here, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen, I think the psychological crack goes deeper than just being able to practice it away.  Being away from the ex has helped my in most ways, but I think the banjo thing goes much deeper.

So, maybe just a few weeks left here in Lake Tahoe, it's been mostly a good run, I've worked, made ok money, been treated well by the folks at Gunbarrel - especially Dan, who is unlike all venue mangers I've crossed paths with.  This is a guy who appreciates a person who gives a crap about what he does, who shows up on time, and who does a good job - this is a guy who will treat a guy with respect when he earns it; and let me tell you how f'n rare that is.  So, thanks Dan, more than I can say.  Other than Gunbarrel, there's not much I can say I like about Lake Tahoe, and I won't miss it when I'm gone.

Ok, I guess that's all I have for now, thoughts racing, but kinda all the same.  So, till next time.

From Talentless Musician To Bitter Booking Agent

It's been thirty eight years in this ever devolving music business.  Corruption has taken over our country in just about every way, affecting all of us in more ways than one.  I guess it's the human condition - always has been - where inept people aspire to positions of power, in order to stroke their own ego, and in order to get some sort of cheap thrill by making life difficult for as many people as possible.  Sadly, this has been the case in the music business over no less than the past thirty years.  Pre 1980, there were a few record companies who actually looked for true talent, bands and/or artists who would sell records on their merit, their talent, their integrity, their hard work.  Here in the 2000s, what I've observed is that many of the musicians who were never able to make a connection with their listeners, who never achieved what they set out to - which was to find a way to make people adore and admire them, have gotten into positions of power in an already corrupt business.  They spent 10, 20, 30 years playing to people who simply didn't care about their mediocre and mostly unlistenable music.  These talentless, charisma-less, lazy people have now taken over just about every aspect of the music business.  Most are booking agents, in control of everything from restaurant/bars, to casinos, to 500 seater venues, right up to the big record companies, FM radio, and likely most streaming sites.  These guys are bitter and angry, and will take revenge on any artist or band that has talent, and has obviously worked at their craft.  They will taken upon themselves to dictate to these talented people to play whatever it is that they're not playing.  This is in stark contrast to the days when there was plenty of good music to go around, where venue owners and management didn't care a wit about what the band or artist played, as long as they made the customers happy, and as long as they put money in their till, they were just fine and dandy.  Back in those days, listeners, customers, were not afraid to speak up about whether a band or artist was good or not.  I SO miss those days.

I'll go so far as to mention a few names of such bitter agent types, mostly because I think that these people should be removed from their positions and left to find jobs that suit their lack of integrity.  I can think back as far as 1983, when I had a little country band that was based out of San Diego, we did traditional country, no pop country, no rock and roll, no disco, just good old fashioned country music.  Besides the normal guitar army band, we had a good girl singer (who was also the bass player, and looked like a super model), we had fiddle, banjo, harmonica, and two decent male singers.  I can't remember the name of the agent, but I do remember he was somewhere in Idaho.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  "Hi, this is Lee Jones, I was referred to you by a friend, he said you might be able to book us in a few venues in the general area of California, Oregon, Washington, Arizona, and a few others."'

Agent:  "Yes, I book many of the rooms in that area, what kind of music do you play?"

Me:  We play traditional country music, no pop, no rock and roll, just traditional country music."

Agent:  "Straight ahead Traditional Country?  WHY?"

Me:  "Because that's what people like."

Agent:  "Well, I don't know what to tell ya, we have only ONE band who does that stuff, and they've built such a monster following that they can get away with it."

Me:  "It doesn't sound to me like they're "getting away" with anything, it sounds like they're playing what people like".  Also, besides the normal, my band has a good girl singer, a fiddle, a banjo, and a harmonica".

Agent:  "Well, I don't think I can help you, my clients want what's on the radio."

Me:  "Ok, thank you for your time."

So you see, these guys have this cockamamie way of thinking, even when the proof blows their flimsy belief system out of the water, and nobody can convince them otherwise.

Then there was Jim Mitchell, booking agent of everything country in Hawaii during the late 70s and early 80s.  Forced his wife's band down every venue's throat by lying, twisting, and manipulating every person and situation in his path.  After he used every trick in the book in order to squash me, elevate his wife's band, and make every situation work for him at everybody else's expense.  He finally BS'd his way right out of the business.  His tactics included booking me at a Marine base on a Sunday afternoon, knowing it was a rock and roll crowd - a bunch of rowdy Marines (we were a straight ahead country band).  As it turns out, the Marines had a blast with us, especially once the heard the fiddle.  Jim Mitchell's line of shit when I went in to see him the following Monday, in a whiny, "You son of a bitch" tone of voice, "So, you whipped the fiddle out on 'em, huh?".  He once booked his wife's band at Hickam Air Force Base CPO club, and advertised my band - figuring his wife's band would have somebody to play to.  Backfired once again - they started wetting and wadding up napkins and throwing them at the stage, then booing, then every person in the place walked out - all of this by a half out into their first set.  There's a lot more, but you get the picture.  A few months later, Jim Mitchell moved to Arkansas and took a job at his 23 year old wife's (he was 63 at the time) parents' tire shop - selling tires.  Now THAT is justice.

Some of the other angry ex-musicians I've had the misfortune of crossing paths with, somewhat more recently are, Rob Brooks, who has control of most of the casinos in the Reno/Carson City/Lake Tahoe area.  I emailed him every week for about a year and a half, and never got one single reply.  I have a pretty decent website, complete with live videos, and all the pertinent information you would ever need.  There was Eric Dale, in Baldini's Casino in Reno.  I auditioned, while the guy did everything possible to stifle what I was doing.  He originally said he would pipe my music into the rests of the casino, and then get feedback from his customers - who by the way, were mostly older, obviously country music listeners - didn't pipe anything - he was going to make sure as few people heard me as possible.  I had a few of them in the bar dancing, including the 300 lb. Indian bartender who was grinning ear to ear the whole time.  One of the waitresses, after I got done playing, came by, also grinning, asked, "So, when do you start?"  My reply was, "I don't, Eric doesn't like the fiddle, and he said, through his girl Friday, that "Your country music won't go over in here."  Sure, it wouldn't, but you see, anything I was doing was going to be wrong - because I got just a little too much attention from the people - which once again, put a strain on his dysfunctional body parts.  There was a "Ted", who worked at the Scott Dean Agency in Reno, same, I emailed and emailed and emailed, and when I finally got him on the phone, he gave me excuse after excuse after excuse.  There was Robyn Henderson, the entertainment director at Boomtown Casino in Reno, which contained the Guitar Bar.  I auditioned, she came up to me and said, "We're gonna get you in here, give me your email address, I'll send you the tax papers, then I'll send you the open dates, you let me know which ones you can do, and we'll take it from there.".  I followed all her directions to the letter, and after I received the tax papers, and returned her email, I never heard from her - until a full YEAR later.  I replied, saying I thought she'd made a mistake in emailing me, because it had been a year since I'd auditioned and been in contact.  Her reply was, "It's not a mistake, do you want to play here or not?"  I said ok, and she sent me the "Open dates".  I replied, noting all the dates I would be able to do, never heard back.  The following month, same, sent me the "Open dates", I replied, no answer from her.  After that, I said the hell with it, I'm not going to play this game, and that was the end of that.

There's Ted Kennedy, a relative newcomer to the Lake Tahoe area.  He apparently had a little money, enough to invest a few thousand bucks in a few venues - I understand through an organization called "The Tahoe Stewardship".  Their thing is, you can invest $5000 and own a small piece of the business - any of the businesses that are affiliated with this organization.  So, he bought his way in, and got the owners to allow him to book his horrid music acts.  This guy is a wannabe musician, plays barely enough guitar to get by, sings a few songs, and tries to be Mr. Funny Man when he gets on stage, because he knows he can't play or sing.  In all fairness, he's not that bad a singer, but he's dishonest, so he goes up on the stages and BS's people.  His cheap tactics have not worked for him, I've heard the comments, and I've seen the faces in the audience.  Some of the comments were from his own managers and workers.  He has what I call the "Nick Masters Syndrome", where a guy will hire the worst musicians he can find, so that (in his mind) when he walks up onto the stage, he can look good.  It doesn't work that way, but when you are the type of person who has never worked at anything in his life, does everything the shortest, most convenient way possible, and have no talent for whatever it is you're trying to do, and then try to BS your way through, your mind gravitates toward the delusional, and the deceitful.  You wouldn't believe some of the horrid noise that comes off of the stages that this guy books; there's bad, and there's BAD - his acts are beyond even that.  This is the same guy who, when booking music at Basecamp Pizza - in the center of Heavenly Village - didn't have the proper liquor license to have live music.  The hotel guests were constantly complaining not only about the bad music, but about the unbelievably LOUD noise that was coming from the restaurant.  I experienced the LOUD, because I play at the restaurant/bar right across the breezeway three, four, and five days a week.  These guys took "If you can't play good, play loud" to a whole new universe.  - beyond bad and horribly loud.  So, after all the complaints, somebody learned that he didn't have the proper liquor license, and reported him to the ABC (the Liquor Commission in Nevada).  So, being the "What can I get away with" type of person that he is, he still has his no talents play there, just without the sound system.  I'm amazed that ABC hasn't gotten wind of what he's doing - he's been getting away with his charade fore something like four months.  I'm not going to be the one to turn him in, but I'm sure eventually somebody will.  Oh yeah, this guy has also locked me out of playing at any of his venues.  He hired me at first, until enough people said nice things about me - enough to shrink his body parts, at which time he abruptly stopped booking me.  After a few months, he texts me to say, "Hey, if you're not going to do the shows I book you for, I need you to put them up on Schedule Fly (the app he used to book acts at his places)".  I said, "You haven't booked me in six months, so I signed out of Schedule Fly".  He claimed there was a glitch, but BS.  So, I agreed to do Tuesdays at The Beer Garden (in the Basecamp Hotel - different location from Basecamp Pizza), and Thursdays at California Burger - where, according to the main manager and some of the waitresses, I was one of the favorites.  I did one Tuesday and one Thursday, at which time he again, abruptly quit booking me.  As it turns out, it worked out for the best, as the folks at Gunbarrel Tavern have treated me with a high level of respect for the four years I've been playing there.  There's also that Ted pays his acts $10 and hour - which comes out to less than minimum wage when you consider set up and tear down time.  So, the result is that the ten dollar an hour acts play at the ten dollar an hour venues - which is the way it should be.  The funny thing is, four years ago, when I first arrived in Lake Tahoe, Basecamp Pizza was always the first to fill up, then Gunbarrel and Fire And Ice (right across the way from us at Gunbarrel) would get customers.  For whatever reason, over the past year or so, Gunbarrel has been the first to fill up with customers, and then Basecamp Pizza.  This is especially noticeable when there are not a lot of people in the Village.  When Heavenly Village is packed, every restaurant/bar is packed, but when things are slower, we fill up first - consistently.  What I can't figure out is, how is it that the actual owners of Basecamp Pizza don't hear about what goes on in their places of business.  I tell you, if I were a customer going into any of the restaurants he has his fingers in, and was subjected to listening to the horrid acts that play in them, I would be irate, and would without hesitation, go to the management and scream bloody murder.  I know I can't be the only person who thinks that way.  I do know, from first hand experience, though, that while bullshit will open many doors, more often than not, it does catch up to a person - usually way too slowly, but does catch up eventually.  To be clear, I will not play in any of Ted's places.  The few other live music venues in Lake Tahoe - the managements have refused to talk to me - sending down their elves to run me off - nothing new to me.

As if this isn't enough, there's Las Vegas, went there last fall, just to see what it was like, didn't intend to stay there, just wanted to take a look.  Spending two months there was enough to choke a dinosaur.  There was "Frank Joseph" of the Steve Beyer Agency; the typical bitter and angry ex musician who wants revenge on any artist who might be any good at what he does.  Me playing the part of a musician looking for work, he did the usual, "Whatever you're doing, it's wrong, no matter what you do, it will be wrong, so I don't know what I can do for you."  I did manage to get in a few jabs, but once again, they are in control, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it even if I wanted to.

So, with these people having taken control over every aspect of the music business, any artist who may have the talent to actually sell on his or her own merit, will be mercilessly squashed.  Most any talented artist will have learned this a long time ago, and gotten out of the business, trading a life of frustration and disgust for a more conventional line of work.  As for me, the dream is gone, the thrill is gone, the challenge is gone, and it's just a matter of a few more weeks before I can get out once and for all.  It should have happened two months ago, but with today's ineptitude and lack of integrity and pride in work, my clothing line has taken twice as long to be manufactured as the factory CEO told me it would.  As I wait, I live in my car, so that I can have the money to pay for advertising when my shirts (the first installment of my clothing line) do finally arrive.  I knew I wouldn't be able to pay near a thousand bucks a month rent, AND pay for advertising, so, I chose to move into my car.  It's not so bad, the most difficult part is finding a place to sleep.  I seem to be ok, at least so far, in casino parking lots.  I'm not a nuisance, I only park there at night, to sleep for a few hours.  Whatever sleep I don't get at night, I go to Van Sickle park and sleep a couple hours in the morning.  During my days off, I hike up the mountain at Van Sickle, I lay in the sun whenever and wherever I can, and I either play my Martin or my banjo - I found a secluded place at Van Sickle, where nobody can see or hear me - and it's outdoors - my dream place to play music.  It's been the month of May, and now into June, where it's been mostly cold, windy, and rainy, so I haven' been able to do these things as much as I would have liked to, but I do them whenever possible.  Last night it got down to 30 degrees - ON THE FIRST OF JUNE.  If/when my clothing line generates an income that matches what I earn at Gunbarrel (which isn't get rich money, but enough to live on), I'll move back indoors - probably not in the Northern Nevada area, but somewhere warmer, somewhere where I can be outside in a t shirt for 8 or 9 months out of the years, as opposed to being bundled up 8 or 9 months out of the year - just to be outside.  The line in the Charley Pride song, "But I'd rather be fightin' the wind and rain, than what I've been fightin' back home", finds its way into my head a lot these days :D .

Well, as with any major life change, you first have to plan, put that plan into action, and wait for the result.  I live this as I speak.

Till next time.